grey-ons

2011-10-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

To all who are still reading a dead blog

Today marked the last day of my decade in youth. It has been a great privilege and honour working alongside and doing life with all you, awesome people in the East, Y-dance and the image team and more imptly, to be able to be in some parts of your lives. Thank you all for leaving your footprints in my life and making it such a memorable one!

To those whom I serve closer with, thanks for availing your ears to my rant, cheering me on when I am zombified, dreaming the impossible with me and certainly, witnessing God's goodness and grace in these 10 years of my life. Thanks for going through all the mountaintop and valley low experiences with me. You guys have been a heck load of blessings! Here on, I pray that you will stick close with God and that you will make effort to open your life to your lg. I am sorry that I will not be able to serve and do life as closely as before with all you, but cheer me on for I will be exploring God in a more tangible manner.

A great gift to me would be a prayer and a covenant that you all will continue the legacy in the East, dance and image ministry. I'll now go and fulfill what God has planned for me in this phase of my life and so the baton has been passed onto you to make the latter greater.

Friendships are not bounded by structure or ministry therefore, our friendship don't end here. Have many stories dear all, for you will need them to share with me! I have no idea when I will be able to meet up with you but surely, we have all eternity long in heaven to share all the battles you had fought and how awesome God is in your life. I'll do likewise.

I am not changing church nor am I quitting God, I am just moving on to adults to serve Him and his people more. Till, we meet, don't stop loving God and loving his people. Love all much!

And for that, I am also moving to tumblr to start my new chapter, I would love to continue blogging all the amazing and seemingly-impossible-things-with-man Christ has done in my life.

So say goodbye to grey-ons and hello to hersdale!

See you there!

2011-06-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

A Father's Day Special -- The Man that I Respect.

Fathers, Learn.

Overcoming a Father’s Tear

The last time I saw my father-in-law tear was when my eldest son Mattheus passed away in January 2005.

I was reminded of that time last Monday when my daughter Maegan (5) had to undergo general anesthesia for her day dental surgery. I held her in my arms when she first woke up after surgery and she was sobbing relentlessly out of fear and discomfort, as one can imagine.

Like my father-in-law, I too don’t tear often but I found myself pretty close to it that Monday. Seeing your own child go through so much distress pains a father’s heart even if your child is 5 or 25.

Being on the National Family Council, I often get asked the inevitable question: “Do you plan to have a third child?” My reply would almost always get an apologetic reply when I tell them I already have three kids.

My eldest son, Mattheus Tan, was born on 21 January, 2005. He passed away that same day when his small premature body, all 555 grams that fits into the palm of my hands just could not survive the ordeal. It was a day where I processed his birth certificate and death certificate at the same time.

I don’t think anything in life can prepare you for the pain and anguish when you lose your child. Both Daphne and I were 28 at that time. As first-time parents, we were totally unprepared for that moment.

We were both in shock, in pain, angry with God and dispirited all at the same time. There really isn’t one word that can describe how we felt. I know it’s even worse for Daphne. She carried him in her womb for more than 5 months and, in the least expected way, she delivered him and only held him in her arms for a precious 5 minutes. As her husband, I have never seen her cry the way she did that day and for at least and a month and a half after, the grief came in waves.

Neither do I ever want to see her in such pain again.

That was the time I saw the tear in my father-in-law’s eyes.

People sometimes ask me how we manage to cope then and now. I would always bring them back to that moment that I held Mattheus alive in my hands. He didn’t have the luxury of being born in a hospital. It was an emergency birth at home that saw my wife lost so much blood that when the paramedics arrived, my first yell to them was to take care of my wife because I had already given up hope of Mattheus being alive. But he chose to be alive, even for just that little while.

The fact that we could hold our son alive in our arms at 22 weeks old is, in itself, a miracle. The fact that Daphne was safe after losing so much blood is too, a miracle.

So when one asks me how we cope with our loss, I tell them that I thank God for the three miracles in my life that I am truly grateful for. I guess I could choose to be bitter and angry but somehow, seeing those moments give me that courage to move forward. It doesn’t take away the pain but it just makes it bearable.

Almost a year after the date of Mattheus expected-delivery-date (ETD), Maegan, my first daughter, was born to us. Our third miracle. Now looking back at all these years during this Fathers’ Day season, I find myself counting my blessings seeing my two beautiful daughters, Maegan and Meredith, all grown up (too soon if I may add).

I guess I have to brace myself for more heart-wrenching times like last Monday.

But it is times like these that fathers will always remember and these are the stories that will be retold time and time again to our children when they get older.

It makes being a dad such a joy that no pain will ever take away.

Martin Tan is the Co-Founder and Executive Director of Halogen Foundation Singapore. He blogs at martintansg.wordpress.com.

2011-06-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

firstly, I wanna thank everyone who prayed for me and spurred me on one way or another. I have been a depressed, sucked out chap. haha. things are getting better, somehow. Either I am getting used to it, or maybe things are really improving. whichever, just wanna let u guys noe, God is really working in me and very soon, thru me (cross fingers).

this week has been an eventful week and also one that makes me realised that i am normal and my company is weird. This week, there is a new intern that joined my company. I, for one, think that he is a little trying quite hard to please the people in the office. Well, it is understandable, being the only guy in a female environment, does not help and seriously, i am so glad that he appeared. cause he assured that I am sane and that the company's culture is weird and so not normal. YAY! tt's how bad it was. to the extent that I thot I was insane.

ehs, yes he is a nice person and i think it helps to that he is a christian and to add a cherry to the top of the ice cream, he does the same stuff as me. hurhur. cheers to Jesus! so much easier when we are of the same faith and we have grace. my company really needs grace in their lives. oh well.. before i keep going on. I just wanna say that God is love. and he heard my prayers. ^^
yay!! i srsly duno wad else to expect in the coming week, cause every week is like a battlefield. one day this person is on your side, the next they are against you. I can truly now say that because I belong to Jesus, I am covered and no one can harm me.

work really sucks life. and i am still praying that God show me why and how I should continue to be here to create an impact. I hope i dun lose myself in the process. It is really challenging and I need to do work with God! if not will really get you so overwhelmed and jaded in life. Just in this week, I have many people telling me that I look cui and so cui that I kinda lose my soul sorts. it is kinda true. I am praying that I will continue to be consistent and do my best so I can best represent Jesus.

enuff of work.. now for family. YAY! all of us had made a pact to meet at least once a week for dinner. It is encouraging to know that everyone is making effort to meet more regularly as a family unit and to spent time together. I am so happy. hurhur. I am praying that God will soon lead my family to a greater height and so thru these we will be able to serve as a family and even uproot as a family out to another country and do something. I srsly have no idea, but i am praying. haha. i am praying for a greater vision for my family. now that bro is on neutral grounds with me. hurhur. I think this is one giant step forward. hurhur. after all, family is the one that stays with u, spiritual family/lg changes when u change congregation. not implying anything but srsly, it is easier to pray for your family to propel as compared to your ever-changing climate of life station where ur lg changes. (if you get it, you get it, if not forget it) (:

I pray that this week, I will be able to move away from where I am last week at work to somewhere forward where God can be glorified. Lord, pls dun leave me and continue to show me. I cant wait for July's conference where I can expect God to reveal even more to me. desire!~

please also pray for me to lead my current ministry even better. This is the 10th anniversary year, I want to make it a blast to whatever I have left in youth! then zoom to infinity and beyond!

2011-06-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

i am mentally and emotionally tired.
i am struggling.
dear friends, pray for me.

this battle is mine to fight.

i pray i will have a change of perspective and a fighting spirit.

more wisdom Lord, I need more wisdom.

HELP! LORD HELP!

2011-06-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

i had a chance this week to meet this fabulous guy at 938 LIVE radio interview.
i thank God that i had this chance to be there to listen to his interview.
it was so apt. i almost welled up in tears.

some background.
he married at the age of 26 (srsly young)
a young father of 2 beautiful girls
he trains youth leaders up initially in church thereafter in a charity organisation.
more imptly as he was sharing about his life, i realised, fathers are v important in a family.
well, i am not promoting for fathers' day but what he says struck a chord within me.

when he was interviewed, he was asked...(sieved out qns)

what present would you give your daughter when she is 16?
--> a baseball bat placed outside the door with words "come in if you dare"
(hurhur)

what do you think about family time?
--> as a father, it is really hard because we have to bring the bread in and we also have to ensure that the girls have a quality life. so it is hard mostly when we have to balance giving them quality life and spending quality time. But i believe in family time because i believe in creating memories, it is more for me cause the two girls will possibly not remember so i will remind them when they get older. more imptly, i want to be there for them. (: so as a father, i need to learn to balance it. (how can you not love him?)

what advice do you have for your fellow fathers?
--> I dun think i can give advices as i am still a young dad, but i think the only thing i want to be is a role model for my kids. i can't think of being anything else for my kids. I want them to grow up one day and say this to me... Dad, i will marry this guy because he takes after you, a role model in my life.

I srsly went omgosh, u are absolutely cool. then i felt something cause..my dad was never really present in my life when i was growing up and i really would love to say what his daughter will say. haha. well.. dun get all pity party, i am glad God fathered me in the earlier stages of my life and subsequently, after dad's conversion, I somehow am able to speak to him and unds him and literally, have a father. hurhur. only to realise that i have learnt alot from him also. in my recent card to him, i said.. thanks for teaching me how to love. haha. the way he loves my mum makes me go woah.. u really really love her. u noe how mums can be quite unreasonable and often demanding and nonsensical. yeah. so in this aspect, he is like my role model. i am just so glad i am still able to salvage time with him as a father. thank God it is not too late. i can still have father chats with him over lunch and quick bites. more often, i think because he is dad, he needs not speak much, with pure observation, he noes me better than mum and even better than myself. uh.. this interview hence makes me well up in tears and i thank God i could have this oppty to be present to hear his story.

more to come at work. i pray God continues to show me and spur me on.

Lord, without you, how to survive?
Help me pretty pls.

2011-05-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

This week i had a great paradigm shift in my perspective of fear-- 3 parts series.
Yup! great learnings thru my first 2 weeks of work.

Well.. largely due to the arduous nature of my job but more of it is because of how Satan deceived me over and over again, instilling fear and making me cringe over, nth. Well, the kind of fear that I had was never so taxing on me, ever. I never used to have such fears not even the cold sweat type. For a moment, I felt defeated, I din have the courage to do anything and in fact i felt like raising the white flag and just quit my situation.

So this week, i learnt. I learnt to realign my perspective on fear, trust me, i wish it was only that easy. But thank God for his holy spirit, he has been whispering much to me. I am so hearten when i hear him say, there is nothing/no one u need to be afraid of except me. I was like allright. I AM COVERED, my backside!

That was episode 1, the next episode God spoke to me was in service where he said... the only pursuit I should have is to be loving him all the days of my life. This is crazy! Sincerely, I was like God..u noe i love you ya? haha. den he went on... He encouraged me and say that I should not be led by how the world wants me to be, rather, i should be the one leading the world towards Jesus and helping them to be more Christ-like. So quit the human pursuit of the 5c's and on..

The logic is this: at the end of it all, u can't get close to God with all ur wealth and possessions and titles u build on Earth, and it is so EXHAUSTING to keep earning ur time with God. It is such a chase, and u can never have enuff of it. The only way near God is to lay down everything and come clean before him--it is not saying God I am a CEO of ABC Co. Here I am, speak to me. hahah. guess what? Wrong password, it is not gonna work!~

the only way to God--keep simple, keep hungry, keep nothing except ur heart ready to listen.
it is saying, God, I am your child, keep me humble, speak to me. ^^

and finally, in the 3rd episode, it was in our monthly ulm that God speaks and reinforces the principle, i.e. fear is a constant companion in life. There is no way to subdue fear, that's why courage is the essential ingredient in life. So rich in truth. ^^ I wish I was that wise at that point in time, so this is alarming cause this just means that I need to STICK even closer to God.

His very word: Don't allow your fear to rob you of what God has crafted and designed you to do.

Hence, this week at work, I wanna apply what I have learnt and those that he has added courage to me. I want to see and seize the opportunity. I do not want to live with fear. I want to step out courageously, be so sensitive to the HS, hearing all that he has to say, and abiding in every step.

Help me Lord, I want to stick closer to u so I may know you are near.
Pray for me dear friends.
I also need to see a great call as to why i am here.
Lord, show me pls.

2011-05-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

my dream, mini yours!

2011-05-15T06:58:00.001-07:00

I promised and told myself that I need to do this blog post before I start my full time official work. hurhur. yes, I AM STARTING WORK TMR~ ^^

anyways for all my faithful readers, apologies, i procrastinated much, but i promised u this will be a good read. hurhur, even if it is not, i'm sorry for wasting ur time. haha.

during these 6 months break that i had after uni was FANTANBULOUS~
I had caught up with myself, brought relief to my hectic/disoriented soul and more imptly, had readjusted much habits and 'rituals' in my life. and the best take home--i discovered much about myself and the people around me.

The very one thing: FICKLE, we are all fickle.

this is always constant. hurhur. I received alot of sms/drop-by notes/msn convo and face to face convo... asking me what am i doing and when will i wanna start working. funnily, after 6 months, the same persons can say this: woahhh why u decide to work so fast? dun work so early la, enjoy life first.

me: =.=''

talk is cheap yo~ so nonsense. okaes, but that's not the point.

I have gained alot (weight as well, hurhur) from this half a year.

#1 i brought my family to HK for a really short getaway.
Thru this trip, (yes i paid for all their expenses plus mine), I finally make effort to gel the family cause i was not courageous enuff to initiate something family nor spiritual in that sense ever since their baptism. Rather i think i duno whom i can ask or model after, but thank God, he advised me accordingly. I am so glad. wasn't the best trip ever but i am glad i make a point to get everyone tgt. my aim now is to be like the hk dramas, where everyone in my family can have a good meal tgt not only on mothers' day nor birthdays but like srsly spent time tgt and be involved in each other's lives. In Jesus' name, AMEN~

#2 patience i gained from all my kids.
haha. some might already know i have been giving tuition. Being a full time tutor is srsly enjoyable, but too bad this is not my calling, i can only do so much. but i thank God this time is sufficient. Over time, i realised that kids can be so witty and amazing. So i changed my perspective of hating kids to be neutral about kids. haha. i think God is cool. cause he gave me angmoh kids to let me learnt patience and srsly wad are the odds of that. So i say my God loves me. and thru these angmoh kids, no matter how annoying they are, u just melt when they do the pussy pls. ahah. okaes, i am biased, but srsly, u cant resist.

so patience i gained, i learnt also to be creative thru the way i teach, i must say i do have some ways with kids, ehs angmoh kids only, i cant handle singaporean kids, they are absolutely annoying, period.

the kids cant get enuff of me. i have to literally un-glue them off me after class every week. sometimes, i wonder if their parents might get jealous... haha.

BUT PLEASE DUN ASK ME TO NANNY YOUR KIDS. haha.

ohh and thru God's grace, everyone of them performed so well for their exams, i am just so thankful. like drastic jump from their grades. hurhur. This is my answered prayers, i prayed for them to perform in their exams and that i can shine and from there bring them to Jesus. (: it is really painful to say bye to them. cause.. they are so adorable and so teachable. I guess, it is time to close this door and go accomplish what G has really intended me to do. goodbye kids!~ we will meet again someday, hopefully in my church where u can serve tgt with me.

on a personal note, most of their parents told me, if corporate world dun work out for u, my door is always open, we welcome u back to teach the kids. hurhur. yay!!

#3 perspectives
i have gained some more perspectives in my life and i have understood what God has for me, truly a life that no other person could walk in. this life is meant to be for jacq only. hurhur. i have to keep that vision deep in my heart and not let anyone burn it from me. also, i can't be envious of what others have and which i dun. simply, i am not designed to have those. Thank you God for the many times where u chose to be patient with me and let me have my way to learn. I am sincerely glad u din choose to banish me or burn me alive even after so many head smashing encounters. sounds scary, but he could have.

#4 friendships
as i was clearing my hp msg's inbox, i realised there are alot of friends that i lost and i guess over this period of time, i truly know how to be a good friend and i also recognised who are my close friends, those i wanna do life with. or should i say, it takes two hands to clap, hence if i try to clap and they dun want, then pointless.. the reverse holds true. once in my qt, i remembered, my reflections were who are my friends that would bring me back to G and helped me physically to get close to God, just like how that man in the bible who can't walk, his friends drilled a hole in the roof and lowered him down to Jesus. yeah. so i guess, i come to a life station that i should be working on friendships and relationships with those who are clapping back. (:

#5 understanding on how much impact i have
finally, i realised too that i do have alot of impact all over, especially with the ppl afar from me. I need to be a good steward of my life. not because i need to be a people pleaser but because my life has ripple effects of everyone else. I dun wan to be a stumbling block. I want to be an edifier. I want to edify the body of Christ. Wanna lift them up and add courage in their lives. amen!~ Lord, teach me and humble me. I need to noe how to go about doing it and i need to noe when it is amber lights, u need sound it out for me. I can be q deaf.. maybe i need to dig out my ear wax so i can hear u better. Lord, as i continue to do wad u have planned for me, i pray that i will always be soft towards u and never being happy at where i am spiritually cause there is always so much closer i can get to u. Lord, pls dun leave me. ^^ i need you, more.

so to everyone else, pls keep me in ur prayers..
1. new job means new environment means omgosh, i am a noob! pray that i can adapt fast and learn much too so i can impart much to help in the church.
2. principled. I want to be even more principled and more grounded.
3. balance my life. i dun want to lose the big picture and miss the point.

thanks friends.
i will continue to ensure i am learning every week so i can blog it down.

but something i lost..
i lost how to write academically, ehs, hopefully thru my job, i can get it back.
i miss writing impressive essays, alot.

2011-05-02T20:09:00.000-07:00

Due to the crazy heats of elections and all the happenings in the world...
I received this email from my guardian angel...
and it is true timely.

PRAY FOR SG~

1 Ask God to forgive us for not praying enough for our nation and our
leaders.

2 Humbly repent for any foolish remarks or petty complaints we’ve made
in private or in public; and for taking God, our nation, and our leaders for
granted.

3 Acknowledge God’s strong guiding hand on our nation.

4 Thank the Lord for blessing us all these years with a good government
committed to integrity, service and excellence.

5 Invite the Sovereign Lord of all the earth to come preside over our
political system and succession so that Singapore’s legacy of good
governance and good international standing will go on from one generation
to the next.

6 This General Election, fervently pray—
■ That Singaporeans will think soberly and be discerning—sensitive to
God’s prompting, His heartbeat, His bigger picture, His divine purpose for
our nation.
■ That Singaporeans will vote wisely and responsibly for candidates of
exceptional character and competence. People who will inspire confidence
in nation-building and the future—to see Singapore flourish (not flounder)
and fulfill (not forfeit) her unique role as God’s bridge of blessing to all
nations.

Psalm 78:72—David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands
he led them.

This verse above is impt, when the govt is not leading well, everyone will be affected.
Pray for God's sovereignty.

2011-04-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

humans, we are judgmental, srsly.
our first action is always= to pass a judgment to what it seemed like.
fact is, u dun know what's behind the scene, so friends, i know it is hard, but try to be less judgmental? whatever you coined up to be in ur experience may not be as what it seemed to be.

seek to unds, be less imposing and gossipy?

tired of those "it looks like..", "I think so..", "shouldn't it look like?", "you din say so I assume" and etc.

let's make friends look good as we accept their shortcoming and help them.
well at least, i hope my friends are so.

2011-04-10T22:54:00.001-07:00

Service is the rent we each pay for living.
It is not something to do in your spare time, it is the very purpose of life.

2011-04-03T04:35:00.001-07:00

if i am still in school, this would be my essay question.
i miss schoooooollllll... shall i go back soon?

2011-04-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

christians are rising up and making God known.
how have u used ur gifts?
stop wallowing in pity, get out of ur own world.
be faithful in ur gifts pls.
if everyone is faithful with their gift, the world will know Jesus. (:

2011-04-03T04:26:00.000-07:00

^^ i miss dancing, especially, this.

2011-04-03T03:43:00.000-07:00

you can't help but to fall in love. (:

2011-03-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

identity.
belonging-ness.
possessions.
recognition.
security.

the pursuit has never stopped.

recently, i spoke to some person that knock some sense outta me. she said "u noe life is never ending, u just keep earning, paying and den enjoying and den paying and den spending and then accumulating and den, hey we are onto our next life."

obviously, she isn't a christ-follower. she believes in karma and she believes in earning to get a better (next) life, it is never ending--one has to always prepare for next life.

regrettably i say, life has to be more. what kind of drive is this?
when life is so cruel and harsh, u can't just be earning and paying and earning and giving just to get the top 5 pursuits. Looks like Maslow's hierarchy speaks for humans tt believes in the pursuit. well.. (i'm always justifying@_@) there is nothing wrong with these pursuits, but to gain stability and peace in life that is based on these wavering factors..

man.. there gotta be more to life.
u might think i will start preaching.

logically, everyone wants a better life.
true that, i too wish i can stay in sentosa cove if not at grange road.
but what's after a better life?
what's after the pursuit of the 5c's?

it all goes back into the box.
and.. wad could u posses?

essentially, nth.
a dust man we come, a dust man we go.

i am thankful, i know my God like way back before time.
and i now wish that u will stop ur pursuits, cause it is never satisfying.
only ur creator knows what can truly satisfies.

your dear friend is here to remind you,
TIME TO COME HOME. (:

**no i am not asking u to stop pursuing ur Ferrari or ur Lamborghini, I am asking you to not miss the whole point in life.

2011-03-23T17:50:00.000-07:00

The Heart Surgery

This entry is titled the heart surgery.
Recently, I went thru one.
I will be lying to say that it is not painful.

Surgery removes the cause of the problem but healing (post-ops) depends on the person's discipline.

so the real test begins after the surgery.

Are u still obeying your doctor's orders?

2011-03-10T20:48:00.000-08:00

I am learning prayer.

fresh learning from fresh wind, fresh power by Jim Cymbala. ^^

Prayer cannot be truly taught by principles, seminars and symposiums. It has to be born out of a whole environment of felt need. If I say, "I ought to pray," I will soon run out of motivation and quit; the flesh is too strong. I have to be driven to pray.

Persistent calling upon the Lord breaks through every stronghold of the devil, for nothing is impossible with God.

For Christians in these troubled times, there is simply no other way.

We are going to pray because God said that when we pray, he will intervene.

We are called to be a house of prayer.

and that's why I am here to invite you to pray with me for youth, east, central east and for me.

When I grow, my group and the people around me will grow. Eventually, the church will grow. (:

a little advertisement below:

Intercession Ministry
Fridays with Shee Ting.
If you are a shepherd and belong to a coreteam,
YOU ARE WANTED!
Also, if you have a heart that desires things to happen when you pray,
this ministry needs you to intercede and pray for the church.

2011-03-04T06:42:00.000-08:00

if there is something u must learn.

it is to learn

how much God loves you.

2011-03-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

the most useless thing to do is WORRY.
the greatest joy is GIVING.
the greatest loss is LOSS OF SELF-RESPECT.
the most satisfying work is HELPING OTHERS.
the ugliest personality trait is SELFISHNESS.
the most endangered species are DEDICATED LEADERS.
the greatest 'shot in the arm' is ENCOURAGEMENT.
the greatest problem to overcome is FEAR.
the most effective sleeping pill is PEACE OF MIND.
the most crippling failure disease is EXCUSES.
the most powerful force in life is LOVE.
the most dangerous pariah is a GOSSIPER.
the world's most incredible computer is the BRAIN.
the worst thing to be without is HOPE.
the deadliest weapon is the TONGUE.
the two most power-filled words is 'I CAN'.
the greatest asset is FAITH.
the most worthless emotion is SELF-PITY.
the most prized possession is INTEGRITY.
the most beautiful attire is A SMILE.
the most powerful channel of communication is PRAYER.
the most contagious spirit is ENTHUSIASM.
the most important thing in life is GOD.

--anonymous

2011-03-02T19:09:00.000-08:00

This speaks really loud now.

Luke 8:11-15 (Contemporary English Version)

Jesus Explains the Story about a Farmer

(Matthew 13.18-23; Mark 4.13-20)

¹¹This is what the story means: The seed is God's message, ¹²and the seeds that fell along the road are the people who hear the message. But the devil comes and snatches the message out of their hearts, so that they will not believe and be saved. ¹³The seeds that fell on rocky ground are the people who gladly hear the message and accept it. But they don't have deep roots, and they believe only for a little while. As soon as life gets hard, they give up.

¹⁴The seeds that fell among the thornbushes are also people who hear the message. But they are so eager for riches and pleasures that they never produce anything. ¹⁵Those seeds that fell on good ground are the people who listen to the message and keep it in good and honest hearts. They last and produce a harvest.

which seed are u?
I want to love the word more so I can be the seed that fell on good grounds. (:

2011-02-22T17:33:00.000-08:00

I am doing this cause my person tagged me.

hurhur.

Don't you just love being in Jacq?

1. What do you say to yourself every morning?

Made in Scotland from Jacq.

(hahahah! i dun say i was from Scotland tho.)

2. What do you want other people to say about you?

You'll wonder where the yellow went, when you brush your teeth with Jacq.

(omgosh, sick!)

3. Someone asked you out, your answer is...

I am only here for the Jacq.

4. How would you answer a booty call?

Don't get mad, get Jacq.

5. How would you introduce yourself to someone you really like?

Built Jacq tough.

6. To someone you dislike?

We bring Jacq to life.

7. You're in a conversation and you suddenly feel the need to pee, how would you excuse yourself?

Jacq prevents that sinking feeling.

8. Your parents ask you why you got home late, you say...

We don't make Jacq, we make Jacq better. (wahahahah!)

9. You're failing a subject, you say...

With a name like Jacq, it has to be good.

10. The love of your life asks you to marry him/her, what do you say?

Because Jacq can't drive.

11. Your bf/gf is breaking up with you, you tell him/her...

Nothing sucks like a Jacq. (awwww, so true! ^^)

12. Someone told you you're an asshole, you tell them...

For the Jacq you don't know yet.

13. What are the best words to describe you?

Snap! Crackle! Jacq!

14. If you're going to have a movie about your life, the title is...

What can Jacq do for you?

15. Your last words before you die...

Come fly the friendly Jacq.

16. Your message to a special someone..

You too can have a Jacq like mine.

17. Title of this post will be...

Don't you just love being in Jacq?

hahahahhahahahahha.

2011-02-16T17:17:00.001-08:00

in conjunction of Total Defence Day 2011.
seeing all the stars coming tgt, it makes me realise sg is full of talents.
srsly.

i can upload the making of this home video, but watch it on thisishome.sg (:

2011-02-16T09:46:00.000-08:00

Emily the Material Girl from mrbrown on Vimeo.

I missed it last year.
I need to catch it this year.

all time favourite!

2011-02-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

enjoy. (:

2011-02-10T06:45:00.000-08:00

Whether we’re aware of it or not, we are all natural exaggerators to a greater or lesser extent in our daily lives. So I suggest u use it: unleash your inner amplifier in you, and let creativity happen.

2011-02-08T04:08:00.000-08:00

this song speak heaps. ^^
since love is in the air,
this is dedicated to all.

"Greatest Love Of All"

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

[Chorus]

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

2011-01-30T20:53:00.000-08:00

the question always lingers...

if youth were the reset button of the society, how should we run the youth ministry?

what should i be doing more and what should i be doing less and what should i never be doing. We surely cant lead the people like how we did in the previous years, and yes that includes 2010.

ahha. tough ehs?!
this is potentially mind boggling.

having served in the youth ministry for almost a decade, I have witnessed many failures and successes, much joy and surely frustrations, certainly compassion and burdens.

and cracking my head and singing to there must be more than this, or greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in the city...
i have come to a conclusion, the only constant thing is the END POINT.
it is what people have been doing since 2010 years ago, since Acts church, since Paul's time and haha since Billy Graham's.

trust me i tried revising the end point and it sounded lame if it wasn't the Great Commission.
the Great Commission has to take place in my life time, rather I don't want to be a bystander just watching nor seeing how things evolve and not being in it to experience the joy. Well, i am still ordinary, i ain't superman nor some superheroes mentioned in your growing up years. i am just that ordinary, yes i am (and i am glad if you are in this with me).

some people asked me how do i keep holding on and moving forward.. (:
simple, as i was reminded again last sun, my devotion to God is all that matters and propels me forward. His word is clear: when he authenticates, no one can jeopardise, so all he needs of me is to be devoted to him, to not just do but to love him and make him known. (:

so, to celebrate my 10th anniversary in God/yhope. I have reckoned, I want to make the 10th year a big deal so I can put a good closure to youth ministry in my life and continue to what he has destined for me in my adult life: the very picture he painted to me; live dangerously for him.
(hurhur, i am not telling u what it is yet, I will tell u when the time is right! keep whining! ^^)

so yes friends, i am wanting to do more after 2011, in that very measure that G called me. and yes i am freaking inside out. haha. that picture is way beyond me but because G says it will happen, do u not think he will provide and be with me? lol. ha! making that my assurance! remind me!

so like alabaster jar, this song is a great deal to me. ^^
this alabaster jar (me!) is all i have of worth! Lord use me and make my time left count right here in the youth ministry first, then to the other parts of ur GC, and so a month ago, God showed me more stuff and of cos emphasised the same vision painted when i was a new believer. boy, if it is not the same... hurhur. so the win is never change, the vision cannot be clearer.

whole city whole world begins right here where i stand coupled with the saying that youth is the reset button to the society, i guess being placed in this setting right now has never been more strategic. so I guess G is sovereign, he placed me in the central east group some years back, surely to grow me and yup! to understand and learn about myself--how he created to me to do what he has destined me to do in my life.

trust me I took a long time before i could say yes to God that we are heading this way. haha.
yes! we are still going to win the schools, nothing fabulous or different. but essentially what is different, the quality of these students and the presence of my Lord is here with me. I am not saying G wasn't with the previous leaders, but i just think that with the new generation uprising, we can't do it the way we did 10 years ago. we need to be active and obedient in obeying the HS when he leads. boy, i have my own struggles. be sure, i do.

so in discovering his word and relooking into his promises, i think as leaders, we dun do justice to the word. his promises are all there yet we do not claim it regularly in faith. yeah like really, this battle has to be won not in the human way for this is not a human battle.

for eg, u need not move just be still, the Lord will fight for u.
TRUE INDEED! it has happened to me countless times. i just need to be still.
so this is the game plan, we are going to use verses as our weapon.
Lord reveal more to me, as i seek to be faithful in ur word.

friends, whole city whole world is aptly summarise as what serina says.

Being the salt and light in the world is not so difficult. It is not hard-selling the gospel or pestering people to become Christians. Sharing the love of God is simply showing care, love and interest in other people’s lives. By doing that, we change the world — one person at a time!

To do life in such a Godly fashion that they cant help but to say God is real is not hard.
be no billionaire, nor shall u wait for God to elevate to influential positions, u can start from ur home, ur schools, ur workplace, ur neighbours and the list goes on.. this is explosive. (: catch it!

2011-01-13T21:01:00.001-08:00

'Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!'

Billy Graham's prayer @ 90.
it caught me thinking.

2011-01-06T07:05:00.000-08:00

finally had the chance to pen down all the haps of 2010 and right, we are into the 7th day of 2011. yes i am slow, how abt u agree with me that the days are evil and the earth is spinning so fast den i am getting dizzy? ^^

oh well.. decided to thank God for the people in my life as i conclude my 2010. ^^

goodness! i took forever to find these photos!
pls pardon my bad english and if u're not on the list, i prolly alr given u a christmas card or i dun have ur picture. yups.

January.

[natalie]

u noe how God works? this squid head up here, she was in the class i was in charge of when i am a prefect in primary school, she was puny then. and haha. we ended up being classmates. she is really such a joy to be with and more imptly, she does the same stuff as me, like in church and sorts. she always encourages me, such a blessing to have in school! hurhur. oh btw, in case the others complain, she is on my jan chart board because she went the extra mile to help me record my lessons when i am away in london. hurhur. she is so awesome, she went to borrow those olddies recorder, just because i say i am an audio person (also because she is the other only one who is punctual for classes, hurhur). so loved! ^^

thanks nat! haven seen u in ages! miss u so much! hurhur. i pray that in the coming 2011, God will reveal more to u as u lead the younger ones & that u will have a closer walk with God and he will reveal more mysteries to you as u seek him. All the best in ur career and pls SLEEP! haha. dun get too carried away with ur research otherwise we can start a owl club. hurhur.

February.

[esther leow, cheryl leong, fiona leow, candace lye, angel teo, yap yingjie]

my favourite people and they still are!! so love them! thanks for being at the initial stage of my leadership where i was still so amateur about things and yet u gals supported me anyways. more imptly, u gals allowed me to make mistakes and were there to cushion the fall. I say it before and i will say it again, wad would i do without you gals in my life! i so love you, thanks for the friendship! every single moment we had is archived in my memory and for this life time, i will never forget ur loyalty and support to me. u gals are my dream team! ^^ i am so glad that u all are doing terribly great at whichever life station u are at now. our promise: see us in adults! lol. this is biblical friendship! no matter what u do and where u will be at, we will still be serving fervently.

oh boy, readers, learn. serve to the max wherever u are at, cause God deserves the same in every life station u are at and not because u have ur friends u are serving with or when u are at ur peak, just simply because u love him.

March.

[alvin]

thanks dude! thanks for being there for me and sharing ur life with me. march was one that we kinda went thru alot of 'similar' stuff and yeah.. hahaha.. teh alot too. hurhur. srsly, i din expect to be able to be there in our friendship. haha. those unspoken signals and words, haha. it is amazing i must say how we understood each other. and of cos thanks for those moments where u tried to engage me in sowing on ur sister and praying and haha now that she is a believer, u must be the happiest! thanks for sharing that moment with me, i am so glad i was in part of the process. anyhows, NS man, serve the country well den earn ur big bucks thereafter. omgosh, God so good to u la! remember how ur internship job pay u to just... monitor systems! lol. okaes, growing up is hard, friend but dun just do what is just right, do wad is biblical. tt's the way to live life. ^^ u will reap more this way, banker, do ur oppty cost and ur risk charts. ^^

April.

[chantel]

hahah. and this my soulmate. this is the month that we met. ehs, i duno wad to say. but like how cristina and meredith are, u are my person. keep it simple, if u watch grey's, u are watching us. ^^ thanks yo! words dun do justice to how much i value u, so let me just say, i thank God he led me to this friendship. he destined it so he will bring us to mature in it. hurhur. can't wait to go thru more with u.

**p.s. to ur future bf, dun kill me if i steal her away from u, she is my person, i need her. haha.

May.

[yiqin, chialing, guoan,christine, kangli, raphael]

the month of ID conference. our tight production where we danced (yes, again). honestly, i love to grow up with my peers. u noe what? the people in the pictures are with me since day 1 of their lives in church. now i sound old but wadever, i love dancing with them. ^^ thanks friends for everything, thanks for encouraging and inspiring me with all that u guys dream and make time for. i learnt so much just by u being faithful with ur gift. ^^ keep dancing, you. i will cheer u on. ^^ also, thanks for allowing me to be myself, just being crazy and doing stupid things all the time. i think life is too harsh so God sent u dancers to make my life rock! (:

[yj, carinna, syl, esther leow, cheryl, angel, yinghui]

oh yes, and favourite people part 2. that night, i remember how we were prayed for and again, every single one of u wow me with ur presence, that hug and a simple hello. u noe i can never get enuff of u all. srsly, now that we received new directions and refreshed word, let's continue to see to it as it reaches completion. 3 persons i wanna add! go carinna, everyone has their path to walk. urs is crafted in such a way that only you, carinna can walk, no one else could. so write it well. syl, keep using ur gifts, u will be amazed how simple things those are and that touches the ppl, be soft on the inside when it comes to God. ^^ finally, to my yinghui! sarangheiyo! just u standing at where u were for ID conference and serving so fervently at SP makes my heart warmth. makes me so humbled. had i not spoke to u the other (long, long) time (ago), u wun be here. Thank God i obeyed. hurhur. jiayou, i remembered wad i prayed for u. haha.

June.

[Y-dance]

our very own Y-dance comcare production. this is amazing, we did it, we did it, we did it! hurhur. we rushed everything out and contributed to cbf! gosh, u guys duno the process i went thru but i thank God u guys enjoyed and danced so very well. and of cos, for making time for this and training so hard to make it so excellent. i am just so blessed to be having u in my team.
u noe most of u are dancing for the first time and it is already externally, hahaha, let me tell u, this is how we function: breaking boundaries, creating history, welcome to Y-dance! You make it happen ^^ i am so glad we managed to pull it thru with only 2 weeks of trg. G was with us. ^^

[jess]

oh yes, my co-host and project partner where we brave thru the ycm presentation and gosh first time working tgt but heaps of fun time also. ahha. thank you for being so ready to help and participate in all that we are to do (esp. all the last min info we received). it has been a great joy working so closely with u. my second time tho! first was easter den was MAX and den christmas too! i really hope i could give u those roses! oh, thanks for ur card, looking forward to working more closely with u and ur team too! a toast to 2011 first!! ^^

[yiqin]

thanks bro, u are a great friend! thanks for being such a brother to me, u noe even my real bro is not a like a bro to me as u are to me. also, thanks for always hearing me out and helping me with my blind spots. more imptly, for respecting my space and watching my back. also for being so open and eager to learn. this year is a year where we went thru alot with numbered meetups and bus rides. tt's the amazing thing, despite it all, i am still able to be so real with u. thanks for sharing with me about ur family and ur struggles also. this is life. this is how life group is meant to be. to be there for one another and to go thru such things tgt. most imptly, thanks for not being afraid to point things out to me also. i value u alot! like alot! hurhur. i pray that as u serve the nation, God will show u and reason all to u. u are a man of God. ^^ i am so wow-ed by ur courage and ur love u have for God. i still have heaps to learn from u yo! omgosh, pls dance soon!

[joel]

but of cos, my faithful supper mate! thanks bro! thanks for always keeping a lookout for me, reminding me things and more imptly wow-ing me with ur teachability. and u noe i cant stop teasing u, the day i stop is the day i am not me. haha. oh well.. jus so glad we stay ard the corner too! thanks for the feifei moments we have, like we always say, this is how our epic friendship begun. hurhur. keep playing the violin, i will share ur joy when our church's orchestra is established. i will sit at the audience and scream YOU DID IT, YOU DID IT, YOU DID IT! keep gg bro! u are too dear for me to lose u, so pls my dear doctor, keep growing urself in the word and like how the bible describe all the godly men in the bible: they grow in stature and wisdom. i wanna say tt to u too ^^ let's see it come to past, and of cos with ur song composition. i await ur album, i await u playing alongside yang shuxiang. ^^ haha.

July.[dad]

u noe everytime i blog abt my dad, mummy will get jealous. haha. and i dun care. ^^ haha. cause u noe the greatest wonder in my life is srsly for my dad to receive jesus let alone water baptise. so God, this time, once again, u really surprise me at my door. i never tot i could witness this in my life. i never tot all those nights where i cry myself to sleep thinking that my dad is never ever gonna make it with us to see u is acty over. u jus turn things ard to conveniently. man, who else but you, only you Lord! only you! G, i pray that u continue to answer his prayers and in ur timing reveal to him how he could learn more about u and feel ur tangible presence, more imptly, let him love u so much that nth is gonna stop him from experiencing u. Lord, i noe the biggest hurdle is his mum, my grandma but u see even this can be done, i pray that no matter how hard this is gg, u keep him strong and let him not fall away from u. Lord, plssss be patient with him and help him to mature more in u so he could stand up and testify when situations seemed like it almost wanted his life. so Lord, let us smile at the storms that is to come so we could sail home all tgt in a boat. (:

[joanne ang]

but of cos, my chip! thanks for inviting me to ur 21st. i honestly duno wad i did in ur life for that invitation but thanks yo for remembering me and i must say i feel honoured and more imptly, for that short amt of time that i had moments with u, i think G must have made me say or do something right which up till today i have no idea wad it was. hurhur. anyhows, thanks for lunch too the other time and for sharing ur life with me. ehs.. well.. we are again quite similar in our tot processes and haha, some life encounters. but yeah, let only one thing be the measure of ur life: the word. so no matter how tempting and illogical most things are, if u love Jesus the way i do, u will noe he has the best for u and would trust that he would get u to understand everything in his timing. press on, life is good even without Jesus sometimes, but make it great cause u deserve only the best (and this is really the best). ^^

August.

[limin]

my yog buddy. tho we did not even work at the same room but we work at the same location. i was so encouraged by her spirit, her humility and her appreciative spirit. gosh, u noe such gal is hard to find alr and sorry friends, she is taken. haha. why should u be surprise? anyways, thank you God, u always give me the best people at my workplace. ^^

wish u well, limin (if u ever read this)!

[jon foo]

fooahfoot! haha. omgosh, u noe it is really random at how we met at london but it is jus so hilarious. boy.. but thanks for embracing the vision and stepping up to it, u noe it is so easy to jus stray esp. when u are away. but i thank God u see more to wat all ur other friends see. KOG need more of u, friend. tho u are coming back soon, i believe u will be so charged up when u are back cause u have received so much abroad. and thanks for sharing ur life with me, how u were humbled etc. hurhur. omgosh, and boy i will never forget what u did to win ur sch's election and how u get everyone to vote for u! so lame la! but okaes, brave. await to hear ur remaining quest when u come back to sg. come back stronger friend!

September.
the wedding and birthday month.

[mauspicy]

i never regret picking u up from the streets. ^^ thanks yo! u noe wad we went thru this year. ^^ keep it gg, more in 2011. thanks for always being so eager to receive and learn. i will love u always even when u are mauspicy double! i love u, i love u, i love u. ^^
[joycelyn]
hadn't got much chance with u this year but still thanks for the bump into moments or the nudge in between services. thank you for being in my life. sharing ur dreams and desires. now tt u are in wad u have been dreaming to do, i pray G will expand ur capacity and equip u so much more. supper if u could. we are just one bus stop away! hurhur. btw, pls take care of urself, i dun wanna lose my friend, you to ur sch. haha. ^^

[dolphin]

and of cos my greatest girlfriend. thanks for still opening up ur life to me. sharing so many things in common tgt, i am glad we could still talk nonsense and yet still seek to clarify if we misunderstood each other and i think i jus love ur wittiness. haha. u noe u've been thru alot this year, and i felt like i somehow lost u but i am just glad, u did avoid me and still bother to meet with me and lepak tgt. hurhur. wad would i do if i have one lesser friend to lepak with. =x mambo soon! ^^ this is where our life begins. hurhur.

[kim, faith, bao, xy]

yo galfriends! haha. amazing, almost 10 years have passed. we are still growing up tgt! yay! haha. tho this year we met slightly more (instead of once a year, it is twice a year), i am so glad u all still share ur significant life moments with me. haha. nt easy but i will see u all in ur weddings. :x

[fiona, yanyu, dennis, chenglee, yiqin, bingliang]

but of cos, the east family. well.. 2.5 gen. like i think i belong to the second gen then the newer ones belong to the half gen? lol. wadever. alot of glitches this year but finally the photo that had all of us for once present. yeaps. i think i shall not talk more, but we noe wad we went thru. thanks for being patient with me, family. (: Let's continue to see our dreams come to past. So glad i could witness it. hurhur.

October.

[jiali]

omgosh, did i say this, if i were a boy, i will so date you! thanks for understanding and always giving me an oppty to grow under ur leadership. u noe u have been a friend, a leader and surely an inspiration to me. thanks for all the meals and meet ups we have, be it for work or just to chill out. i miss hanging out with u! continue to shine for him, u were made for this.. anddd i duno how many more chances i have to dance with u, but i wanna tell u, u are making history with the dance team in church and soon the bigger arts scene! i am in this with u and will support u as God calls u. also.. friend, u need to chillax more with me pls! rather us, ur team, ur dance family! haha. still remember when we had a gathering at ur place? it was century ago la. so let's aim to work hard and chillout hard too. ^^ oh, thanks for the rat-ty experience. omgosh i will never forget how we talked tt night and screamed at every rat and roach that passed us. i would say meeting u is always memorable, but yeah i am glad we could have tt! haha. ^^ thanks also for setting an example in all tt u do. always appreciate the honesty u have of me and with me and yes, the random run and hug u express (i am so sure, i offended a few of ur fans). omgosh, i love you jiali! haha.

November.
ahha. then it was new friendships fostered.

[jared]

thanks little friend, i love playing netball with u. thanks for being my hercules! haha. i hope ur mum dun kill me. ^^

[steph]

also known as stiff. haha. thanks for everything. omgosh, thanks for the friendship and haha. i am glad we could get our friendship pretty much advancing since the last we stopped at ablaze. lol. and boy i love talking fashion with u. now i pray in tongues... pls interpret and tt would be my msg to u. hurhur. asdfberbviuskfnguvrhbfndoljvrel. ^^

[jiemin]

my one and only awesome galfriend, u noe how much i appreciate u. it has been 13 years! goodness, even without the frequent meet, i am so glad that our friendship is not bounded by meet ups. anddd boy each meet up make me treasure u more. all those words u said were so timely and u noe tt simple 'ni ke yi de' make me realise that u really think highly of me and because u say so i will pray and not rely on anyone else and i noe my secret (wait i do have?) and talks are always safe with u. haha. anyhows, i am awaiting for ur hen's night, wait has he proposed? haha. omgosh, it sounds really soon now. jiayou ehs, may our career have a great head start! i am praying for u too! if not we will fly tgt, our pact. ahaha.

December.

[chialing]

the hot babe in town!! haha. thanks for the friendship and always being so real to me and initiating most fellowship. and haha. allowing me to also share deep with u. thanks for such times where u could share boldly with me and hahaha.. u still owe me my barrage night out. okaes la. jiayou in the remaining sch years. looking fwd to share more moments with u. the month of december has been happening for us both. and again, this is where i knew u much more. thanks for always sharing so vulnerably. i hope as u struggling powerfully, there will also be more victories. go babeh! u are the hot one! hurhur.

[choo zixin]

u are just so lovely! haha. look at this picture. ^^ u noe u are another person i am really encouraged by. haha. thru all the working tgt in image (esp. christmas) ur submissive and willing to learn and venture spirit makes working with u so awesome and enjoyable! haha. hot babe yo! haha. i cant wait to work closer with u and of cos hang out with u. thanks for all the things u share with me and all the hang outs u organised. alsoooo, thanks for the patience u have with me. yeah, u are really a awesome friend and i love talking about everything (boyish) with u, from bikes to drinks! lol. okaes. more to come! loves!

and so, my 2010 was haps, but more haps, these haps ppl went thru it with me.

srsly embracing 2011 as my career enfolds and all the word that has been prayed over me to see what i really desire happen. Lord, make it happen. (:

i will choose to obey ur HS, in every bit of it. ^^

2011, let's go G!
fast and furious, but teach me ur word so i might safeguard it and not stray.
make me relevant yet make me deeply rooted in u.
i look forward to another year of working alongside great people.

Cheers!
G, plan 2011 with me!
show me ur glory!! (:

2011-01-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

Gek Li San's Dance Film

DIRECTOR : GEK LI SAN
WRITER : WANG CHU QIAO
DANCE CHOREOGRAPHER | SET DESIGNER : LIM CHIN HUAT

TITLE : U_R_NOT_ME
GENRE : A dance film installation

U R NOT ME is a multi-disciplinary fusion of dance film, installation and sound design to create a new vocabulary work of art.

The installation leads audience through a “screen” space (with four different rooms) allowing them to make self-discoveries. By disorienting and confusing their sense of time and space, they are led to the disturbing question of self-existence.

It is a social commentary of our anxiety-filled urban lives and grapples with the perennial questions of self-existence and the multiple contexts of everyday life.

Anyone?

2010-12-27T05:13:00.000-08:00

just 6 days ago, i turned 9. (:
9 years old of learning how to survive and live a life that I was created to live.
these 9 years have been really awesome knowing C's love for me, esp. the 9th year which i begin to understand how everything was done to love me.
many honeymoon sessions, quarrels, cold wars and patching up, all in these 9 years as well.
All i could say was every year i grow to love C more, tho sometimes i really hate those juvenile moments. well i guess it is part of growing up. anyhows, these 9 years has been a journey of life lessons and learning about myself and what i am designed for.
essentially, i think i get to noe C more and so i love him even more.

thanks C for everything. ^^
all that u have done for me, so much.
and i love all those little surprises esp. those people u sent timely to cheer me up
and of cos those moments which we had, never will i trade it.
9 years and counting. (:

may the 10th year be even more awesome as we brave thru more stuff tgt. (:

2010-12-18T10:49:00.000-08:00

it is here.
i smell a new gen rising.
i see a new happening.
i heard a new noise, a joyful one.
i feel the HS doing his work.
i say revival is here.

and all i have to be is STILL.

Thanks God, you are amazing, you wow-ed me AGAIN. christmas is not christmas AGAIN, christmas says LOVE, says SHARE THE LOVE, says THERE ARE HEAPS WHO HAVE YET HEARD THIS LOVE. the magic about christmas is not about the countdown, the magic about christmas is not food and gatherings, the magic about christmas is neither being merry and very drunk. the magic about christmas is.. being a specialist of the good news.

(:

today heaps of lives are changed because we made effort to invite them and sow on them and share the love with them. AND of cos we soak these people in prayer. goodness.. u really duno how long we have been battling in prayer for this day.

finally, there are 3 converts from KC, 4 guys from TKSS, 1 TKGS, 2 CCHM, 1 SSS and 1 gardens.
yay! now people, battle in prayer with me to not just retain this people, but to shepherd this people so well that they are gonna be the next gen leader that leads the following gen. this makes me so excited and more so, i cant imagine what is gonna happen soon. woots. yay!

ohhh and also, central east is sending ppl to uk/london to study and make a difference in our hope church there and so i noe why i am sent to london last year, to be that bridge, that mediator, that middle person to connect.. whee! (: wolalalala. ANTIOCH here we go! step by step, God fulfills.. (: and just a little revision to the vision... hurhur.

VISION
an antioch of young, biblical ~~women~~ people, rooted in the word, reaching out to the lost.

MISSION
to have ~~an ebc~~ a CENTRAL EAST lifegroup in all the CENTRAL EAST schools

CORE VALUES
1. Love for God will translate to fearing God
2. Faith: a mustard seed faith can move mountains
3. Perseverance: the evident trait in all ~~ebc~~ CENTRAL EAST warrior, to persevere in prayer and action translated into hope.
4. HS-led: when we are we will be utilising our giftings and talents in the way the HS moves.
5. Creativity: we need it to reach out and nurture the new generation of lost people.

we are simply the above.
do tell us if we are living them out, it warms our hearts and encourages us to continue living so. however, if we are not, do remind us as well cause we want to really live tt vision out but as humans, we forget. yeps!

thanks y'all!
greater things are yet to come and yet to be done.
my prayer for me to be part of these greater things.
Lord, pls dun pass me by. ^^

2010-12-15T09:28:00.001-08:00

did i say i love my twin?
she gave me this book that she bought in new york.

it is a journal which she says she is always reminded of me when she sees this book.
it says Love is... a promise journal. <3

Inside:
You are a beautiful woman of God,
precious to Him in every way.
As you seek Him, He will show you the mysteries of life
and unfold His unique plans for you--a life full of rich blessing.

God cares about you and knows all the desires of your heart.
He is as close as breathing.
Let this journal inspires your thoughts,
records your prayers, embrace your dreams,
and listen to what God is saying to you.

Be Strong in the Lord,
and may His peace guide your heart always.

How can I not love my twin!
I will use this journal to write down all the prophecies and words that has been given to be over the years so when it is fulfilled, I can see how God has moved to me fulfilling my destiny in Him.

woots!
excited!

2010-12-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

owe this post to you, readers.

rediscovering jacq right in the last 3 weeks of november? so here it is.

I finally did some reflections AFTER i came back. hurhur.

the thing that i am so so so bothered was acty the main thing that sucked the joy out of me.
guess what? it is not school deadlines, it is not frustrations with church systems, it is not annoying people around me (cause there will always be, ha!), it is just .. me, the ungrateful me, the me who stops giving thanks for everything that had happened, the high standard or should i say perfectionist me that finds everything ugly and evil, the me who just forgot how my Lord was always beside me in everything i do, the me who just strives on my own now, the me who just judge everything.

that ugly, vulgar word: ME.
this post is gonna be entitled 'THE ME!' hahaha.

srsly, gratitude is the healthiest emotion and it leads you better in life.
why do you think the icu ward is always so gloomy? yet the baby block brings so much life.
and yet it is just miles apart, it is like the 38th parallel, like hell and heaven.

simply.. being simple is the way of life. it sounds easy but i tell u, it is the ultimate sophistication.

i have discovered, despite my complicated life and much drama in every day i breathe, just being grateful for being me, the simple me, makes life so much bearable, and i credit this to no one but the influence and peers i chose to mix with.

like the saying goes, mix with the pigs smell like the pigs.
no matter how strong u think ur values are, u are influenced one way or another, subtly usually.
and yesh. last couple of months, i was in a whirlwind. everyday the ppl i met are ppl who keep harping on the same things... and i thot, maybe these are the matters of their hearts and so, they keep talking about it.

so i rendered, i listened, i tried to understand, i advised and i empathised.
and boo! this is the biggest mistake! =( it sucked the living daylights out of me.
i was soon sucked in. complaining about every other thing, being 'holy discontent' (as if) about rigidity, trying to prove to everyone that 'yah guys, it is time that ur outdatedness gets out of my way.' and dun ask me, i have no idea how negative i turned, i was not suicidal, i was just immuned to everything, i dun see a point in the things i sold my life for. how better is this?

no better.

and this went on for months.. boy, u have no idea how much smoke my mind was filled with. suffocating! infusion of nth but misery, hatred, frustration, fears, hurts and much bitterness. everything was just a bubble? to begin with, THAT ENGAGEMENT WAS A MISTAKE! then i began to ask God, why?
why are things as such, why are things so unbearable? what happens to you and me things will be allright? what happened? i lost myself to nth but a circle of endless and mindless talks. just talks.

then the greatest wonder would be: what talk could make me lose my life?

the talk that both Adam and Eve had:
the temptation that they faced in the garden was not about eating the apple, they faced the temptation to want to be God.

i wanted to be God. i wanted to make things right, i wanted to tell upstairs that you guys are the cause of so many lives wasted because of ur inefficiency and the many life stations priorities that requires u to postpone everything and attend to your right now. ur right nows are just so everywhere. at that point, i was just so disgusted with everyone, i allowed my joy tank to be filled with frustrations, hurts and fake embellishment of 'it will get better'. i allowed the company i mixed with to enslave me with spurs that says go take over, go throw them out, go do something, go you can be heaps better, go it's time they leave, so you could return those opptys that could be leverage on that upstairs lost.

i was getting the hang of being angry, i was getting the hang of being frustrated, i was getting the hang of saying 'what's new?' i was getting a hang of them that i was hanged. i wanted to prove, i wanted to tell everyone i could do it, i wanted to make a point not to let anyone look down on me. i wanted to just tell everyone i can do it like any of u could, if not better. nt feeling tired? i am, in fact, feeling tired was the only way i could put myself to sleep, where i know that i have achieved. (sounds shitty right? but yah! sadly, tt's wad u get, the shit me)

boy, if i could get out of it, i would run but it was too late, i was chained to feeling all that negativity, i was hanged. i lost my soul. i lost everything i had that i could proudly say i am. i was all defensive, i was always in my fighting mode, just so that no one, no one could hurt me. there was no one i could trust. no one respected my boundaries, no one respected what i meant by pls give me my space, all they do is INTRUDE, PRY, PUSH, SPY, EXCHANGE INFO, MANIPULATE. then, i get all mystical and secretive thanks to that circle of friends. now am i being Adam, blaming Eve?

i guess.

even as i type, i feel so scared and freaked out. LIKE WHO THE HELL IS SHE?
I chose to dwell cus i am afraid of loneliness, and so i too have to reap the consequences.
once again, thanks to all you who are my friends. i should have chose loneliness to mind games.
it sounds crappish, yes, but it is true. after close to a decade of being soaked in the foundation of the bible, i could still fall for this. yeah, the saying goes, u dun need a bottle of poison to kill, just a drop.

well.. so that turmoil ceased only when i decided to leave it.
simple. i could really dwell all the days of my life and even with billions of ppl telling me how much i have changed. eh, i dun really give a hoot how much u lost the old me. it was ur credit to claim. how deep is my hurt? as deep as the father's love for the world.

I LOST ME, I lost the me who appreciates everything, i lost the old me where i could just smile at everything that comes, i miss the me, the me that just knows that everything's gonna work and turn out for the good of me, the me that just has the essence of the father's heart. i lost it and i lost it big time.

so right now, wad's my medication?

the Fs. ^^

first, FORGIVE IN FAITH. so hard. but yah have to. leave that awful world of manipulative talks. sorry i mean FLEE as fast as i can. refuse to get engaged over those seemingly heart affairs that matters, come on, stop harping. just act on it, srsly. finally, just FEED my mind with continual brain food from the bible. garbage in garbage out theory ehs. i really thank God that Paul wrote the most impt letter in the bible to the Rome church. that letter was so for me. Romans. Paul. God. Thanks. Finally, FELLOWSHIP with the right crowd, the crowd that brings not HAPS in ur life, but brings the best out of you and of cos, respect my space. if u haven realised, my space is darn impt. think twice before you impose and infuse, nasty i will get.

so what have i rediscover about myself?
1. my space is utmost impt, in fact very. ahha.
2. when u complicate things, jacq dun like u, she will try to prove things otherwise
3. found back what makes jacq, the God version. ^^
4. life happenings only happen when you want it to be, u dun have to hang out with haps ppl to be haps, that only makes u a haps-pirate. u wanna be haps, BE HAPS. simple. hurhur.
5. gossips kill, so next time u wanna do so, count me out. cause i am still learning how to filter.(:

Cheers to discovery. ^^
give thanks this season.
be gracious, be grateful.

2010-11-28T05:33:00.000-08:00

i am back.. after touring the world (no, just korea and nz). ahah.
the last post, i wanna divorce travelling. so so so addictive and boy.. it is jus so my life, really.

like what dear sam says, we are never missing home and family.
tell me how u can disagree. honestly.
these are not google photos, taken by handheld camera.
^^

@naejangsan
under the red autumn leaves in which i always call it flowers!
with 2 buggers.

Einstein wannabe.

power dad
piggyback his baby, carrying his chunky dslr and helping his wife take photo.

postcard photo
my trench coat flared.

just can't resist the leaves and branches.

love the sunlight shining on it.
gasp! pretty colours!

1, 2,3 JUMP!

heavy suit.in the open, just be free.

beauty of nature.

omgosh i cant have enuff of the leaves.

l-e-a-v-e-s...

@sunshine peak
photographer huien. ^^
@jeju@mt hallasan
look at how close i am to the clouds?just love the three colour tone.go to my fb for more pictures. ^^
i think the pictures did justice.
no more words needed.
(:

2010-11-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

DIVORCEE

I am.

2010-11-23T08:55:00.000-08:00

I hope whatever I just went thru is just a dream/nightmare.

2010-11-13T05:08:00.000-08:00

sorry readers.
i am away for 3 weeks.
will only be back at the later part of the year.
and yes i am travelling around, trying to chillax.

i am on the journey to rediscovering jacq.
if you have any to contribute, drop me an email or a fb msg.
that is greatly appreciated.

loves.
soul aut.

2010-10-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday lil monkey! ^^

Birthdays.

to a kid, birthday means the whole world to them. it means getting presents, it means getting together, it means having the best time of their lives, it means to just spend it with people they love. Simply, a day which they want to have it forever. and if you forgot, you are quite doomed.

to a teenager, it is one where we get more freedom to choose how we want to celebrate. In a form of party or just a simple dinner. Simply just to commemorate our birth and have heaps of sleepovers. As they always say it is my day. (:

Somehow, as we grow older we feel lame to celebrate our birthday.
We think it is a waste of time, waste of money and a simple dinner will do.
So what's the big hype about 21st when you had ur freedom at 18? well some never gets freedom even when they are 22. ^^ Alil overrated i should say. hurhur.

but i guess how i want to celebrate my birthday after i become an adult is to really count the blessings that God had given me each year. Entirely how happening and exciting life is with G. Well.. the older we grow, the more reflective we get. OR it is just the melancholic side of me. OH!!! yes to good food, to presents, to celebrating with people and very much loved ones and yes to have the best time of my life. The biggest deal of every birthday should thus be one that is looked forward to because it gives a proper closure to that year. Well.. mine 21st was just tt exciting and heaps of memories and life experiences where i said G, if you ain't here i am gonna die. hurhur.

Onto my 2nd year of being an adult. still noob but ever embracing what is to come. I may not know but I sure think i am unfinished product that needs more work. Still need to pray for a livelier family (some spell we are in!), a career which i dare not step into at this point in time (just not thinking to take responsibility of what i am to choose) and finally a holistic life where friends and family draws nearer to G. I just wanna do life tgt with the people around me.

a life that is so breathtaking because G is in it at every moment. I dun need to be a movie star nor an excellent dancer, i just need to be one that G loves. ^^
I think this is life.

2010-10-19T10:36:00.000-07:00

Recently i re-watched the hunchback of Notre Dame, I realised I learnt to appreciate it so much more and fawns, he exists! There is a story moral (usually brainwashing) for all Disney films. (:

The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Of all the characters in horror films, Quasimodo is certainly one of the top "plank owners" of them all. The Hunchback also has the honor of being the first movie monster to appear in a feature length film. Personally, I dislike even referring to Quasimodo as a "monster" as I find the character quite sympathetic in nature. It's also very interesting to note that the story of the Hunchback is so popular and beloved that it was even made into an animated feature by none other than Walt Disney Pictures. But technically and historically, Quasimodo is indeed considered a "movie monster."

Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame

German Expressionism

German filmmakers were certainly busy during this period. Not only were they busy, but they're responsible for embracing an expressionistic style of horror filmmaking. These German expressionist creations inspired many future filmmakers in both Germany and Abroad. The expressionist style they utilized so well can be characterized as a movie style using lots of symbolism, moody atmosphere and the portrayal of dark human conditions as well as the use of crazy and non-realistic set design. Thematically the expressionist filmmaker would often turn to themes like insanity, betrayal or madness. Some classic horror films in this genre would be Metropolis and Fritz Lang's "M".

American Film Directors Robert Wiene, Orson Welles and Tim Burton are said to have been greatly influenced by German Expressionism. Films like Paul Wegener's The Golem (1915), The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) and Nosferatu (1922) were greatly responsible for this inspiration. In the case of Nosferatu, this was non only an un-authorized adaptation of Bram Stoker's Dracula, but credited as the first feature length vampire film.

Two early horror films were The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) and The Monster (1925), both starring Lon Chaney, Sr. Lon Chaney, Sr. is generally regarded as America's first Horror Star. His ultimate work of course is his portrayal of Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Source: Horror films--Why do people enjoy them so much? (http://www.fun-film-talk.com/horror-films.html)

2010-10-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

the hallmark of a christian leader
1. Diligence
2. Fearless (Courage)
3. Humility

as we know it.

Leadership is stewardship and it is accountable.
It is temporal.

The moment you say "Follow me!" the people will follow you wholeheartedly.
In Daniel 4:17, the most high God is sovereign and he gives leadership to whoever he wishes. It is the most high God is the one who choose his leaders. As far as the world is concerned the Jewish God don't exist if they lose battles. This leads to the "it's all about me" syndrome. The attention and fame of leaders ruined them because of little success even though they started all pure. It is very easy to take off attention when we have that little bit of attention.

ALL LEVELS, leadership is a gift and it is accountable.
And of cos, it can be taken away anytime.
The most high will choose who to give the leadership to whoever he wishes, whether you believe in God or whether u trust or follow God.

So...
If all leadership is temporal, what does it mean to you?
If all leadership is accountable for, how does it affect my leadership?

2010-10-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

Last week in LG, we talked about Gentleness. (:
this is a new perspective and insight while preparing for sermon d.

Gentleness is defined as the character that will show calmness, personal care, tenderness and the Love of Christ in meeting the needs of others. It is not just a personality, it is to be who we are from the work of the Spirit within us. It is power under control.

The opposite then refers to roughness and violence. not literally. It is when we have the mindset to just see what we can get out of life and make a name for ourselves we miss out on what is best for our benefit. Then it causes us to run over others and we end up being like the men who built the Tower of Babel. Their downfall was not the building project but the pride and arrogance. To seek significance outside of glorifying God by their achievements alone, ignoring God's love, care, plan and providence for a cheap and temporary substitute.

Gentleness is not being weak as with meekness, gentleness is strength under control. It allows us to be tender. It allows us to be caring and nurturing to others. When we are too full of pride, we cannot be gentle with others; we cannot be a friend for all we will do is hurt them and push them away.

it is just wow how God uphold meekness so highly.
in his sermon on the mount, meekness is the third characteristic that he mentioned.
Matthew 5:5 "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth"

meekness = humility + gentleness! ^^
gentleness is not just about being gentle in speech or in spirit alone, it is a character.
(:

2010-10-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

The Qualities of God’s Glamour Girl
Who is God’s glamour girl and what are her admirable qualities?
According to Scripture, she is:
G – Gorgeous inside and out
She fears the Lord knowing He is the source of all good things.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
L – Laughter
She’s isn’t afraid to laugh out loud and she looks for ways to encourage others.

…the joy of the LORD is your strength.
Nehemiah 8:10
A – All about adoration
She’s got a heart for applauding her King. She loves to praise and worship her God.
Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Psalm 100:1-2
M – Mercy
Her heart is full of compassion and her hands are ready to serve.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Colossians 3:12-14
O – Original
She’s uniquely herself. She places her whole life in God’s hands--knowing as His creation she already shines like a star.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…
Psalm 139:13-14
U – Understanding
She has a ravenous appetite for wisdom and she loves to read the Bible. She’s thirsty for truth and delights in understanding the mysteries of God.

By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established;
through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.
Proverbs 24:3-4
R – Righteousness
She keeps herself pure. She desires to be an untarnished vessel for God’s anointing to flow through. Nothing is more important to God’s Glamour Girl than establishing heaven’s kingdom on earth.

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long.
Psalm 71:14-15
TRUE GLAMOUR
God’s glamour girl is gorgeous inside and out. She’s filled with laughter.
She has a song in her heart. Mercy springs from her spirit.
She’s totally original. Her Bible is handy.
She uses her unique gifts and talents to share the saving message of Jesus with the world.
(Source: Christian Broadcasting Network)

Thanks for sharing, yj! (:

2010-09-30T02:28:00.000-07:00

Nike's logo is a little checkmark-looking symbol we called it a swoosh. It is actually a stylised version of the wing from the Greek statue "Winged Victory", and the word Nike itself comes from the Greek word for victory. Their logo is a swoosh and their brand is success.

Apple's logo is an apple. There is a story on the Internet that it was derived from the biblical tree of knowledge, but that may be urban myth. That logo however has come to represent the meeting of technology and intelligence at our fingertips. Their icon is an apple, their brand is smart.

McDonald's logo is well known, the is the golden arches. On every continent, they mean joy and gratification: the Happy Meal. Their logo is a pair of arches, their brand in pleasure.

Mercedes-Benz's logo is a three-pointed star inside a circle. Their logo express their engines' dominion in land, sky and sea. Their logo is a star in a circle, their brand is power.

all 4 logos are well-known and famous in the world, but the only one symbol that is around for centuries is the one u see on tombstones, t-shirts, chapels and necklaces.

it is the cross.

Now if you were to choose a logo for your life, what would it be?

2010-09-29T08:47:00.001-07:00

guess what?
it is about the end of sept!
can i not say 2010 has been the fastest year of my life!
the summary of my 21st year, loads of love!
it was indeed a year of partnership, God's grace and hands were there to guide me thru.
the biggest reap of the year, my parents' conversion, baptism and their enjoyment to doing life in church.
and what this is?
PRICELESS.

so now i am on the journey to rediscovering jacq,
pls pray with me.
alil disjointed here and there.
ahha.
i tried listening to my heart but i wanna listen to his heart. ^^
***
so what am i busy with after uni?
bumming ard, handling these monkeys and am sowing, like intensively.
have been meeting heaps of people these days & nights.

the only to-do left on my list is spend time with my grands.
have completed most so far.
***
and so the greatest lesson learnt this week:
what i learnt about these monkeys,

their innocence= priceless.
childlikeness wins hands down.
and it is always.
to whoever, childlikeness (not childishness) is likeable and loveable
and is much wanted by our heavenly father.
if u have been to sophisticated and complicated, it is time to just surrender and be who are in Christ once again. and guess what? people value authenticity, much.
***

i cant get enuff of these monkeys!

she refuses to do her math.

so i decided to play with her.

then she grew bored of my camera.

then she gets hungry.

den wittily, she says she wants me in the photo.

den she pout saying she misses mummy.
(full of excuses when u are just dun want to do work)

den her pretty sister's turn.
she's exactly like her mum.

scribbling, scribbling...

'i want my snack' face

and here's my prize.

yay! i've won my prize!
i love her curls!

tell me my angmoh hubby is near. ^^
hurhur.

2010-09-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

this year's birthday wishes are really hard to make cause mine have mostly been answered, acty all.

i can pray no more for parents' salvation nor can i pray anything more for my studies nor my ministry, i felt that i have graduated from life several aspects, sch, family and ministry, surely with my relationships, i have learnt to go deeper with them without having the friendship baggage. ^^

so it was really hard to make my birthday wishes. envy me u may, but honestly, i dun just want those superficial prayers like God make me closer to u, it is true and yeah it is one of mine! haha. but i should say let it be more specific so i can put in much effort praying and when it is fulfilled may the whole world know that God is faithful.

so dear friends,
pls pray for me. do let me know if you have a word, a picture, a song ANYTHING. jus let me know what my dear God has told u. i would appreciate heaps to hearing them personally from u.

#1 Crossroads (AGAIN!)
Lord, wad's next? srsly, show me how u wanna use me. open doors and close windows. make it super obvious. i mean Lord, it is not that i dun trust u but ur daughter here abit fickle and blur, dunno wad signs u will be showing, so make it big when u do. ^^ thanks.

#2 Relationships
Pray for my brother to really sense the urgency to come back to God also so my entire family can be serving God tgt and, really, how can he not know how much God loves him? oh well.. and of cos my extended family as well. not sure how it is gonna work but use me Lord, use me, i will go where u sent me.

Pray also for my friends to draw nearer to G. i duno how long sowing is gonna take but i noe u are never too late nor too early, so jus keep using me to sow a seed in their hearts, i am seeing progress and i do hope i will be courageous to speaking to them abt u. i dun want them to end up in other churches! =x bleahs. i wan them to be serving alongside with me.

#3 Deeper and closer with my lover G.
yes, i wanna to be v sensitive to the holy spirit about where he wants to lead me. Let it not just be pure experiences, i want depth. i want to be so familiar with the bible yet at the same time find new discoveries to them all. so from here, i will be certain that my ah pa is with me at every junction of my life. I need traffic lights yo!

thanks all for praying,
<3

2010-09-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

the random song while walking home today.

Thank You, God, for who I am
I don't have to be a Superman
Thank You, God, for who I am
All I wanna be is Your best friend

I've got freckles on my nose and holes in my shoes
And the wrong color clothes and a missing tooth
I'm not Superman
God, You made me the kid that I am (ah)

Well, sometimes I trip and fall on my knees
I've got skins and bruises all over me
I'm not Superman
God, You made me the kid that I am (ah)

I am just an ordinary mom
And sometimes things just go wrong
I'm not Supermom
So, join in and sing this song (ah)

Well, my birthmark seems to be in the wrong place
And I can't keep up with my brother's pace
I'm not Superman
God, You made me the kid that I am (ah)

2010-09-17T01:35:00.001-07:00

The top 3 problems in the world.

Loneliness, Lack of Purpose and Insecurities.

When you are lonely, you have no friends to do the days with you, you start to wonder why are you on earth, so you start to think if there is all to life. Studying, graduating, working, marriage, starting a family, grow old and die. Den u realised this is so nonsense. Then, when u think about it, it isn’t so bad when u are doing what u are doing and u enjoy them but it sucks and insecurities creep in when you.. realised that there is always someone better out there to replace you and that they are better than you and more imptly, u are not tt special after all.
So you start gg for botox, for slimming, for self help books and classes. Boy, you are disastrous! And b4 u know, you forgot who u really are and booms! U are another manufactured person. U are like wad advertising says you are. U lost ur identity, ur purpose and only make superficial friends that like the ‘new’ you.

Ugh.

The world needs to know they will never walk alone on this planet, they have a special destiny designed for them and only they can make it happen, so will they then not feel insecure or inferior. ^^

2010-09-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

a special tribute to my dearest friend who will be married in 4 more days!
just for laughs. dun take it too seriously.

it is a 3 rings affair. before you get married, u receive ur engagement ring, during ur marriage u receive ur wedding ring, after marriage, you get suffering. ^^

hurhurhur.

2010-09-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

sexay! and i love her dress and eye make up and her hair! haha. basically everything!

2010-09-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

Love means Legacy.
Without love, it is just existence.
Worship without love, love is just music.
Relationships without love are simply acquaintances.
A congregation without love is just a club.
A church worship team without love is just a band,
A song without love is just a jingle.

LOVE IS THE INGREDIENT.

Living loved is a powerful God-breathed concept.

Credits: Darlene Zschech

2010-09-02T23:01:00.000-07:00

this sums up entirely what have been mind boggling for many and for the perceptions that many hold onto about MOVING ON.

recently i am reading darlene zschech's the great generational transition.
it is a book everyone should read. ^^ cause she is so real. (:
there are 14 values in this book.
and i am gonna do more on value 11: throwing out the old?

the old loving the young, and being the bridge for their dreams. --darlene zschech

i know that one thing that really encourages some of the younger guys (and gals) in our team is that i am still here, still leading worship, still writing and dreaming and creating, but just standing to the side and cheering others on as they take their leadership place, whether in our own home church environment or beyond. I have had to swallow my pride and tackle my own thought processes on the journey, but the end result is so worth it.

one of the wonderful things that people don't tell you about is the amount of trust and friendship that develops over time and over the journey of life that you end up taking with people. Actually, i believe many people miss out on this incredible gift because they don't stick around long enough, or leave their post at the first sign of conflict. Conflict is inevitable if you are doing life with PEOPLE! God did not create us to be robots, but human beings with thoughts and feelings and connection with God himself.

I do understand that there are many healthy reasons people move on, but there are also many unhealthy reasons, and it is to this i refer.

to be honest, this is one of the reasons that i have personally found so much joy in seeing others fly, because once you know them and love them for more than what they do, but for their hearts and dreams and potential and simply who they are, well, the sense of fulfillment in release is very deep, and again, one of the great surprises along the road of leadership.

to walk with people through hard and good times, times of great blessings and times of great loss, just like your natural family, this family of God is developed and strengthened through imperfect seasons and seasons of great momentum. And in this understanding of time-tested leadership, i have discovered the very real and intensely deep joy of relationship.

there have been times along my own journey of late, when some of us who've been around a while have been less needed as far as the platform goes... oh my gosh, i have begged people, challenged people, and tried in my own strength to ensure a sense of worth in people even though we are making room for change and growth. But you do come to understand that sometimes people do transition well, and sometimes they don't.

in the end, it is their own decision, their own choice- you as a leader can only do so much. And everything under heaven has a time and season, to recognise the season you are in is probably one of the great skills to possess as you get older. i honestly think it is much easier short term to simply walk away and become one of the 'misunderstood ones', rather than becoming one of the pillars of strength for the journey, the wise siblings who count it all joy to share life knowledge, the ones who are committed to the race to the end, even as the role of WHAT you do changes.

When i see people ard me, half my age, carving and pioneering their God-given pursuits, my heart is full and i am continually challenged to keep dreaming and creating, not allowing my own processes to become stale and nostalgic. I realised very quickly that while my hands were filled with the old, God could not fill them with the new. Doing what we've always done brings a level of comfort that can be hard to let go of, not to mention that feeling out of our depth is emotionally risky, stepping again into unchartered water means we cannot lean into tried and true methods.

recently, i have been talking to alot of people about moving on, how it should be and how come the spirit and essence of it has evolved so much, mainly negative.

to the leaders:
come on, moving onto ur congregation would surely mean newness. it is like first day at work/sch. they do not know wad to expect! it is a whole new culture not forgetting the perception and impression u had made on them on the whole. like, oh u were under so-and-so. they go in with a heart that wants to serve God on a fresh sheet and do a whole load that God has envisioned them in their lives while they were not in ur congregation, but because of the culture and the seemingly 'mature' environment instilled fear in them. the last thing they want to be labelled is they are kiddish and haven grow up. some went over alone, some went over as a group, some have to initiate new friendships. it is a transition dearest! and yes they dabao their problems over also. omgosh, this is bad. it is the ideology of u take wad u want only. come on friendship also not like that right, like u cant just take wad u want and ignore (or worse, force them to change) to what you think is mature. =x srsly. moreover, this transition requires some adjusting and time. they have been used to the culture they were in for more than years surely, it is hard to adapt. haven u heard that the older u get the more resistance u receive? so be patient with them, they are learning the ropes and of cos they cant deny their identity. if they are loud and the group is quiet and reserved, u cant force her to keep quiet, can u? wun she feel misplaced? like.. a nokia phone dressed in blackberry's casing. OMGOSH! u go eeeyer. same thing with humans. Don't dress them like Gucci when they are Coach. (:

and PUHHPLESEEE! people who moved on or transferred are not BACKSLIDERS nor are they not doing well in their current ministry. THEY ARE JUST DONE WITH THIS LIFE STATION AND THEY ARE READY TO DO MORE IN THEIR NEXT WHICH THEY LOOK FORWARD TO. and we often preached for the younger ones to rise up, so moving on surely helped to raise the younger ones up! so much for Intentional Discipleship!

for God's sake, i dun really wish to elaborate on this. srsly, wad kind of stereotype is this! my ex-gal had to tell me this: "they always think it is the backslided or the not doing well then they are transferred, maybe we need to get a very zai person to move on, den they understand."

srsly, wad the hell is zai? and why must we do this? dun everyone has the potential and calling to do wad God called them. of cos. they maybe wild and mischievous but why do we only see the superficial and not deeper. wad do we want to build? pharisees, if it is gg down this line.

ugh, pls treasure God's people. u are not in a supermarket, don't choose ur fruits. but make effort to nurture them. yes yes, some ppl just never learnt nor grow up, but how do u suppose u can microwave them? i am disgusted cause everytime i send God-hearted people over but they get surpressed and they asked me why our congregation could have moved faster simply, we believed in their potential and yes we risked. (: another convo with another friend who moved on and discussed about this with me. really, the amount of talents my unit send to the entire church can make up the dream i wanted. but i choose to obey and let them fulfil and nurture themselves more in their current lifestation. so PLS GIVE THEM A CHANCE, they make mistakes, (dun we?) but let them learnt to treasure the church, so they can once again die for what we are dying for.

to the members:
dun push it! dun take it forgranted! move as u should, it is really more beneficial. u can ask my ex-gal. she told me that i should quickly move onto adults too and regain life and start living the life that God has ordained, where u first dreamt when u were younger. those big dreams where u only see and pray abt. it is time to realise them. and my ex-gal said, jacq, pls move on, it is for ur own good, u need to catch up with ur life and fulfill ur calling as u steward ur giftings. i am so glad that she is so mature and wise. and she said she really is happy that she moved on. now she is waiting for me to move and so we will reunite and catch up with how God has been awesome when we were absent in each other's life.

my reply:
wherever God sends, i will go.

2010-09-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

a friend.
everyone is looking for one.

a bosom one.
someone they can call bestie.

a listening ear.
one who dun mind hearing you whine.

a bugger.
they bug you for life and you just love it.

i am so glad i found mine.
i am glad mine's God-ordained.
(:

2010-08-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

have been pondering for the longest time.
some day my friends asked me,

friends: Would we still be friends like after many years?
jacq: WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!

it got me thinking and fear just gripped me cause it is true to a certain extent.
at every life station i made new friends and NO, I DUN DUMP MY OLD FRIENDS for new ones.
in fact, i try my best to keep everyone that crossed my path, (come on, u noe even those who pissed me off!) hurhur.

Then, i questioned if my friends are my friends because we have to serve in the team/ministry. Simply because it is really hard to maintain a long-distance relationship or should i emphasise the eventful church i am in. before u noe, we are only meeting for ur birthday and mine and maybe christmas and new year. and throughout the year, it is just those sms(es) "i was reminded of you", "i just prayed for you" and etc. but is this really friendship? yes friendship is not clinging, not sticky and surely not possessive but friends (or at least myself) surely want to go thru with u significant moments of ur life and be there to witness ur everything and being in different congregation and ministry, is there still the closeness? or is there still i will be there for u? is it too demanding? then it is said we will have to be secure lo. like to noe that these friends are there to root for u and be there for u. honestly, in any circumstance, which number do u first dial? who do u wanna share with? if i take u out of ur present team/lg, is there anyone u can call?

good if u do. i am not saying everyone is like that. i just feel very ugh whenever my friends go thru heaps of stuff but i cant be there for her/him and i only noe when the entire saga ended. i dun have the solution, i dun have the means to help u at most times, but i jus wanna be there for u, be there to stick with u, be there to go thru these valleys. why? cause u are my friend. that simple.

but being in such (life) system is hard cause we have to prioritise our sheep and all over friendship. I am not saying that we ignore our sheep or our friends, we just need to choose what we want to achieve from our choices. and so tt's y we are building alot of superficial friendships cause of the temporal residence in the current family. the fear of being judged that we ignore our sheep for our friends, or the reverse the fear of abandoning our friends for our sheep is srsly CRAP. come on, they are all human and yes they all have their lowest times in their lives as well. i am once again not trying to be superman and yes sometimes these ppl need to learn from themselves abt certain situation in their lives, but u better sense correctly cause the adverse of it will cause u to regret and one learning experience for me is enuff. how much more i treasure my friends cause of the many empty words and promises that were made. it is ironic cause these ppl preach it all the time, so i try my v best to be that friend who wants to grow up with u. i think tt's the joy of friendship too. of cos, u have to select properly lest u get hurt or manipulated. dun have too many either, it defeats the purpose. (:

finally, be responsible for ur words. every word u say carries weight and tt hope. jus dun give them false hope and dun play their hearts, it is messy when it entangles. and surely i am speaking from experience. Pls note: being all things to all men is very different from being Jonathan to David. so define ur type of friendship well.

2010-08-20T10:51:00.001-07:00

this space is undergoing some major renovation.
thanks for the understanding.
she will start blogging soon.

2010-08-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

This kept me going in the last lap of uni.
I wanna dance on. ^^

truly, besides dance, i cant find another more amicable to gel colours tgt.

2010-08-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

hurhur.
found on www.hopesingapore.org.sg
(no papa's!)
my mama is photogenic!
And her i am... shirt rocks!
it should say..
I am...
A NEW CREATION
-11 July 2010-

but i got dad's video!

love you mama and papa! <3
I will remember this day for as long as I shall live so I can tell my children's children that the Lord is faithful and good. (:

2010-08-01T05:53:00.000-07:00

omgosh, tt was a beautiful dive!
I am so envious of them. Cause first, i cant swim and second i am scared of heights so i cant dive. hurhur.

I am so glad that I am able to witness this yog in my proximity. while everyone is out to criticise the planning and what not of yog, i dun deny there are heaps of first time (poor planning) stuff. but like Olympics, i can feel the spirit of it thru a smaller measure. I love sports cause it jus exhibits so much without having to say much. I feel the instant connection to it. or maybe perhaps... i have been in the media/arts world so much, i need a break from deconstructing media/propagandistic messages. ^^ I just want to look forward to seeing the sports spirit displayed in every young athlete.

So proud of them cause they get a chance to live their dreams, finally, in Singapore.
Enjoy yog not because it is the first but feel the dreams and spirit of these sportsmen.

it is awesome.
period.

2010-07-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

F.I.N.I.S.H.E.R.S!

This has been my constant testing. ;(
Now, I wanna end this student life with grace!
I need to. I want to.
Lord, help me pass this test of mine.
I have always been an amazing starter but never an excellent finisher.

the questions were:
are you aware of your God-ordained assignment? YES!
What will it cost you to finish what God has given you to do? EVERYTHING.
What will it cost you if you don't finish His works? EVERYTHING.

Lord, T_T.
I need you more than anything.
Lord, reliance.
I could do everything and miss the point.
Lord, assurance.
I need your presence with me.
Lord, help.
I need your intervention.
Lord, more than anything.
Reinstate me.

Lord, I am having alot of negativity.
Heaps.
I need you more Lord.
Everyday.
More of your presence.
I just need you to brave this CRAP week tgt.
I want to be an excellent finisher!

Lord,
go before me, soften the grounds.
come right beside me, to light and guide my steps.
be there behind me, supporting me so my fall is cushioned.

LORD!!!!

MORE

OF

YOU,

LESS

OF

ME!

Listening to: I Stand Amazed (How Marvelous) -- Chris Tomlin

2010-07-27T11:27:00.000-07:00

Recently, I found someone who i can sing this to.
So glad our friendship is God-ordained. (:
it has got to be you, GALFRIEND!

He gave me this verse this morning when i had breakfast with him. (:
I will remember how it all started and how God make this grow and how eventually either u or me will say the below.

2 Samuel 1:17-27

23 "Saul and Jonathan—
in life they were loved and gracious,
and in death they were not parted.
They were swifter than eagles,
they were stronger than lions.

24 "O daughters of Israel,
weep for Saul,
who clothed you in scarlet and finery,
who adorned your garments with ornaments of gold.

25 "How the mighty have fallen in battle!
Jonathan lies slain on your heights.

26 I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother;
you were very dear to me.
Your love for me was wonderful,
more wonderful than that of women.

i hope this day dun come so soon, especially when either of us have to say this.
THANKS galfriend! (: and u noe who u are! ^^

2010-07-22T14:35:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have learnt about sending (wrong) signals.

Simply because we are not governed by traffic lights, not everything is clear cut.Or should I say not everyone is running along the same understanding of my traffic rules.

Because I believe in friendships and my love language is acts of service, I simply love the person the way i feel the most loved, i.e. to go all out for you. Sometimes these friends may just be passing by in my life but my belief is that while u are passing by, I hope I have that moment with u where both of us remembered how you passed by and significantly, with God's grace, how you are impacted by what God wanna show you thru ur journey (stay) here with me. I may not be ur destination but i am happy i get to be in the process of helping u get there.

And so many times, with this not-mentioned perspective, people tend to think that i am interested in them, as in beyond friends, and thus i am charged with breaking the red light rule.

Well.. I am not resenting but I am just stating the facts that because of the way i am made up and the times that the HS prompts me to speak to certain individuals, I have to take the expressway and speak into your life and this includes breaking the red lights. Now I do sound like a fire engine or an ambulance where these rules dun apply, but it is true.

PLS NOTE I AM NOT TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD CAUSE I DUN HAVE SUCH ABILITIES AND I DON'T WANT TO BE.

As much as people gets new perspectives from me as they converse with me, i too am learning from their spirit and thought processes, and this is another major learning style of mine: kinesthetic. I have to move around to learn from people and hear their stories of how God is so evident in their lives. and hence, my teh sessions are my eureka and learning moments where i gain perspectives and where i procure compassion. and i love these sessions, wadever timezone u deem me to be in, u cant stop me from driving my Porsche because i own the car and i have the licence. ^^ Since i can't be hands on with everything, i can only be 'hands on' through (listening to) their experiences. pls pls pls pls know where i am coming from, i am not justifying myself for the demerit points and fines i get while breaking the red lights nor am i trying to gain u over at my side to reduce my fine. I am just stating my two cents. And yes, I am sure there are many other ways of learning and doing things, just that i am comfortable for now with this style and i am kinda resistant in learning other methods. It is like once u learnt auto u have to convert ur license to manual. it is not tt convenient though do-able. So bear with me while i am converting.. ... ...

Further, because of the kinesthetic learner that i am, given a theory or principle, i would love to test it out. i would like to see how it applies to my life and the people around me. like how you try to do the 3point turns and the parallel parking. (: My bro used to jeer me, "without your friends, you are nth!" I have to agree with him. Without my friends, I have nth, or should I say I only have my friends. I cant afford to lose anyone of you, so everyone in my life is precious not to mention exclusive in our own moments, sometimes godly hours and mostly ungodly hours. I don't believe in Free Trade where you use me when u need me or when i use u when i need you. To me, as long as you are my friend and if it is within my means, whatever u request for is considered done! AND IT IS TO EVERYONE IN MY LIFE, SO ALL OF U ARE SPECIAL (whatever car you drive)! (: Also because I am still on the 'P' plate where you are always contested by those annoying taxi drivers on the road, pls help me familiarise my traffic rules and refrain from honking and tailgating me cause i will get nasty. the last thing i ever want for it to happen is that my Porsche is being towed away.

So wadever signal u are getting pls check it with my highway code, you may just get the wrong signal cause the driver here is darn noob.

THANK YOU!

2010-07-06T22:57:00.001-07:00

there is a stirring, something brewing, totally, absolutely amazing!
this is the second week of the challenge we took that God issued.
After 3/4 that day, we actually see God moving, and moving even more than we expected and dreamt of. perhaps we are faithless but wadever, we are able because we have that power (God spoke thru ps jeff's blog). Now may i re-emphasised that in order to God's work, u need that power in you. one that is from above, one that is the holy spirit ordained.

May I invite you to share in my joy while you also affirm these people when u see them around.(:

#1 Gabriel
Man of God, quiet as he maybe, he is one hard core lover of Jesus. -loves- I have never seen him talk before, srsly. haha. but I am sure he caught that spirit and that vision that God has endowed upon him even before 3/4. And so I presumed he said yes to Jesus. HAHAHA. cause God worked and he set a very good example! a life model for all to follow. In his unique way, he acty sowed on his friend and brought her to church immediately after that week of 3/4. You know these boys.. they dun acty see the value to cause to them coming to church is already a big thing. ahha but yeah he proved the rest wrong and he set an awesome example. Gabriel i am so proud of you! ^^ You, being young like Timothy in the bible lived out what the bible says. AWESOMENESS! 11 claps for you and a loud shout: Gabriel! haha.

Continue to be that life model for all to follow after as u run after Christ! I can tell the rest of the guys are very eggcited now. Let no one look down on you! and it is about time we see the guys rising up! come on, this is your birth right, this is your calling. (: LIVE IT OUT!

#2 Dylan
And because of such fine example, Dylan caught the spirit and start sowing on his friends too. He is barely 3 months old yet he excitedly share about his love story to his friends. I believe they caught it and some are convinced of his life. So we have another girl saved, lihui! (: and Lihui brought another friend the week after Gabriel brought his friend. Ehs, as i emphasised we are not into the number game neither are we into the converts game but we are into the people's lives business. simply because these lives matter!

and as of last week, we see a strong lg of guys (no longer boys)! they are in the process of becoming men! haha. men of God! and they are so gonna be such hunks in a whilst time! hurhur.
I haven seen a guy lg in central east for the longest record.

[legion 3c: the mixture of cchm, victoria and tkss]

#3 Sherly
this awesome babe! haha. she is another cool bean! haha. she made a come back and brought her friend, David. ahha. this is amazing how guys bring girls and girls bring guys. this is holistic! haha. rather this is something unique abt central east. ^^ and i like it! hurhur.

Do you not hear the sound of revival?

oh well. with the past foundations that many generations have laid, i am sure God will built upon it and make it once and for all the one that glorifies him. yeah! and i think i missed out my dearest warriors who are constantly fighting at the front with me.

#4 Meng, #5 Jessica, #6 Ruizong #7 Shermaine #8 Luanchun #9 Misha #10 Fiona #11 Laura #12 Cherisse #13 Samantha #14 Yiching #15 Bingliang.

Thanks for leading your group well, more imptly, thanks for leading it with the HS, leading it with courage, leading it with wisdom and anointing. many times, they break ur hearts and make u wanna give up, but i noe that because u love God, u will continue to love what he loves. you peeps have been such a support and YES YOU ARE HOT & V. ATTRACTIVE! hurhur. i feel so privileged to be serving with u! (:

^^ WOW, i just realised my team is quite big. haha. but yeah we are still enlisting ppl into God's army. we are working hard, we are relying on Jesus cause without the power and the intercessions, this land will forever be barren. Srsly, saying yes to the challenge is easy, abiding to the voice that comes with it is hard. Facing the new mistakes that no one has make before is crazy, we have no guidelines we have no measures as to how bad a mistake or failure we are encountering but we know that because we are in this tgt, we can pick ourselves up tgt and fight on! also because that power is in us. We will live everyday victoriously because we know that we can count on God. (: and because of such power, we expect greater things to come and we are responsible for the power we are given. in all everything i do, i live to honour you Lord.

More stories to come this week. So far, i heard something's brewing at KC and TKGS too. ^^
it is time for the girls to strike on... their grrrrlll power! hurhur.

May you be blessed cause we want the world to catch the central east fire!
the fire from legion 3 & 4.
we start weak, we start small, but we press and fight on, we hold onto what he has endowed. We want to be that beautiful feet that carry his love to everywhere we step on. (:

PRAY FOR US dearest friends!
greater things have yet to come!

2010-06-27T03:51:00.000-07:00

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. but great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

Life may not be a party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance.

i love the above quote alot. it just brings me back to realise that no matter how cui life is we can and we should just dance with it. hurhur. many things had happened in the last two weeks only to make me realise that i am so fragile and i could be so easily hurt. my heart is so made of paper! lol. while i do hope that if i could restart and go thru such stuff once more, i will hope that i had been more positive and that i will have responded better. ^^ anyhows, this life may really be the most unhappening party and one i totally din hope for, i do noe that God is with me and has planted heaps of ppl ard me to dance with me since we all are here. (: and for this, i am really glad that i am not alone.

my friend once said this:
Jacq u are greatly loved by the people ard u, do u noe how fortunate u are?

i am bewildered.
i was so caught living in the peripheral that i failed to realise that there are acty so much blessings that are gg on in my life, so many people that brings God's love. Just having the ppl ard me is enough acty to make me dance like there is no tomorrow. gosh, now i looked back, i am very well loved! BY EVERYONE even that lady at the bus stop. this is freakish Lord but i noe u noe that this is the best way in which i can stand in amazement of u. (: maybe if i keep my heart that simple to love and to be grateful for everything ard me, i think i would be less angsty and less cranky and surely not so high strung.

to my friends from all over, i am sorry if i had came across as unapproachable and at most times, full of myself. maybe i really was and maybe i had much that i had gone thru, i am uncertain myself even. help me by telling me so that i could be aware cause largely, i am living in my own world and maybe because i duno how i should express myself? I am very glad that these reminders just come very timely and it is divinely planted. srsly, now that i looked back, i am so glad my lover, Jesus had arranged for me to meet these ppl in my life. now, i can say though i am that cui in most parts of my life, i am still fighting that hard in my life to live (i dun want to just survive) what God has destined for me to and to meet more wonderful ppl in my life.

i would fight on!
***
since we are on this topic, just last friday was my cousin's 21st. tho it is really boring, i had a short catchup with my aunt who caught me by surprise as she affirmed me abt my party last year.

aunt: this is really boring, jacq.
me: -smiles- ehs, u are not supposed to say so loudly. shhhhh.
aunt: jacq i tot ur party was the best. it is elaborated but it is meaningful and u danced!
me: huh? (but my dance was so cui) what do you mean?
aunt: dun u feel anything since urs was last year?
me: nopes. nt at all.
aunt: did u get scolding when u shared what u did in last year?
me: ehs, nopes. i was fine, u meant the sharing of my relationship with my sister?
aunt: yeah. i tot that was very courageous and i was very touched.
me: oh really? what do u mean?

aunt: hmm.. i mean nobody knew what happen to you and ur sister (even us family) but yeah i tot it was very nicely done up the entire party that u had and how ur friends helped u.
me: oh thanks! i guess my party's objective is met! lol. yeah it was alot of courage coupled with alot of drinking to make me that bold.
aunt: haha. did u cry?
me: yeah, almost, i was holding back if not i cannot continue my speech.
aunt: haha. yeah i could tell by ur breathing.
me: ^^

Lord, it was so good to hear that my party made it. the dream i had with u when i was 17? the dream that i could share boldly abt u with my family and friends? haha. i am so glad i did it with suave! thanks Lord, i duno wat else it is from here and my family. but i noe this is just the beginning? haha. well everyone is waiting for me to soar in u, so Lord, according to ur timing yeah? pls pls pls dun leave me! i so need ur presence in my life so ppl will noe that the victory i go thru is not of my own but of urs, soley urs. (:

i so need you!
Lord, pls help me!
it is always so easy to say yes in the weekends but die in the week, i wanna brave thru everything with u cause i cant do the week without u.
Lord, i need you.

I really do.
T_T

on the brighter side, join me in witnessing my parents' water baptism on 11 july! i cant wait for the family photo! lol. boy, the biggest day of my life. ^^ Lord, thanks for being so so so good!

fighting!

2010-06-21T19:15:00.000-07:00

Ever felt ignored by God? Like your cries have gone unnoticed?
Could it be you didn't understand his good intentions for your crisis?
Could it be that He weeps as He sees your pain?
Could it be that as you wait patiently for His arrival, you will see the glory of God?

What are you waiting for God to do in your life?
How is God shaping your character while you wait?

(credits: odj)

very apt!
keep praying with me dear friends, i am gg thru q something now.
i am unable to express, i am unable to translate it into words.
but i hope i will be well soon.

Lord, intervene pls!

2010-06-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

as of 12 June 2010!

Joshua 24:15
“But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

my dad has crossed the line of faith.
gosh.

also, they are going for water baptism!

i have nth to say now.
i stand in awe!

but God, u are good!
You keep to your word and you never come late. ^^

***

many years back, my mum said this to me..

mum: so fast, you wanna water bapt?
me: fast?? o.O

today she said this to my dad who said the same thing.

dad: so fast water bapt alr ehs?
mum: how long more u wanna wait? we are getting old!
me: ^^

God thank you! (:

2010-06-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

boy oh boy, God has been speaking heaps to me recently and re-convicting me over and over again. after all the seminars, the drop of unsettled hearts, the many incidences that are happening. i cant seem to live just for wad i am doing now. it is just too miniature and it is too despising for God. (:

Breakfast with G always rock! haha. ytd he spoke to me about legacy today he speaks to me abt trumping tradition.

and i cant wait for the coming 3/4 on 24 June! i am excited!
we are gonna create a legacy and trump tradition! woots! God is never for tradition, never for routines, he is darn hip and he knows us the best! hurhur. i love this alot..

Matthew 15:1-9 (the msg)

What Pollutes Your Life

^1-2 After that, Pharisees and religion scholars came to Jesus all the way from Jerusalem, criticizing, "Why do your disciples play fast and loose with the rules?"

^3-9But Jesus put it right back on them. "Why do you use your rules to play fast and loose with God's commands? God clearly says, 'Respect your father and mother,' and, 'Anyone denouncing father or mother should be killed.' But you weasel around that by saying, 'Whoever wants to, can say to father and mother, What I owed to you I've given to God.' That can hardly be called respecting a parent. You cancel God's command by your rules. Frauds! Isaiah's prophecy of you hit the bull's-eye:

These people make a big show of saying the right thing,
but their heart isn't in it.
They act like they're worshiping me,
but they don't mean it.
They just use me as a cover
for teaching whatever suits their fancy."

Is not my God cool and hip?! lol.
I am awaiting for a great something to happen.

2010-06-11T01:19:00.000-07:00

ketchup sessions vs community living

everyone loves ketchup sessions.

Simply because ketchup sessions are low maintenance relationships and very often you dun have to commit to following up on issues or even be that 'bad guy' to speak to them about such issues (unlike community living). Anddd... you get to have multiple ketchup sessions in a week simply because you don't have the obligations to pray nor work it out with them. rather u can choose what topic to talk about too. like those u are more comfortable or those info that u want them to noe. it will be just an update of each other's life (which usually leads to gossips). hurhur.

and the trade off?
offer that listening ear and give several advices. it is up to them if they wanna heed ur advice because you don't have an obligation to ensure they do.

However, community living is different.
it takes one to commit, it takes one to be truthful and more imptly, it takes one to love them like Jesus does. truth hurts and it is ugly. it is unbearable and it does not allow people to be that angel but trust me, the payoff is more awesome. it is like living with this person's weakness that you are so irritated with. ugh.. i can almost think of the person who is sharing the same room with me. ahha. but yeah i guess this is community living. if we can't even do this (while we are not living tgt), don't tell me abt church planting. ahah. it is another league.

as much as there are differences with both. i do both very much. ^^
ketchup sessions are like my side dish (it varies in flavours and cuisines), like you noe u can match cheese with anything and it goes well. yeah so ketchup sessions are something like that. tho thru regularly ketchup sessions discipleship can be done, ketchup sessions suggest that there isn't much commitment nor responsibility. so these are often conducted with those who needed some of my life experiences to help them confirm their decisions. like i said, no sweat! (: it is just like an info counter, get ur info and yup! i am done! and because i do have a whole life drama in me, i can sparingly give advices and, sometimes, godly counsel. and i enjoy these sessions very much. i mean i can stay up all night for these sessions. hurhur.

and honestly, i do find community living hard. because i have to bear with everyone's nonsense. i have to ensure they like me as in dun hate hate me. i have to be that care bear that everyone tickles. ahha. oh well.. but this is wad God taught me. community living should be our staple like how much we cant do without rice/noodles.

in acts 2:42-47. it is community living that God is seeking for. we aint no club that just exist to have common interest or because we click just like that. as much as we love to be all that lovely and caring, we need to practise tough love.

and when tough love comes, it is tough, DUH!
truthfully, i always practise tough love. haha. cause the world and ur friends ard u have been very nice and kind, they have been telling you what you want to hear but not wat u need to hear. so as a very good friend who lives in ur community and wants to be part of the process of growing up in ur life, i dun mind u hating me cause truth hurts.
so wad are the chances of me being able to still hang out with my community?

absolutely 100%!
because a friend loves, a friend do not fear telling u the truth, a friend helps you out and more imptly, a friend sharpens you without despising u. a true friend stand up for u and corrects u when s/he sees u in wrong.
listen to ur heart like how a doctor would. not just to what u would love to listen. maybe u could start taking time to evaluate and reflect to see if u having been refusing godly counsel to those who really love you and have known you deeply inside.

sometimes it just take you to listen to those words to get ur life back in order.
stop messing ur life by trying to make life difficult for urself.
start living in a community and stop making ketchup sessions ur staple. ^^

2010-06-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

Youth Olympic Games
More than a medal, it is the spirit of the game.

when i was younger, i have always wanted to be part of the Olympics. Then they only had the Olympics but now they have the youth one. I am so glad i can be involved.
the camaraderie and the beauty of sports, the feeling is just so what God has intended for his church. ^^

this sounds like one of our worship songs. hurhur.
I love such games because it is not just the fighting spirit in every competitor but it is also bonding thru this common language. The power of sports, uniting every tongue, every race, every language, every nation. ^^ LOVES!

and because we are youths, we just want so need the new media and such personalities.

i cant wait for yog !
and boy, i am such an advocate!

2010-06-03T01:53:00.000-07:00

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Lord, help me!

2010-06-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

i took so long to blog. haha.
because it has been a happening week.
(alright, all my other weeks are happening too, i noe!) (:
i am gonna attempt to make everything into one post.
the last two weekends that passed taught me a great lesson of building God's kingdom.

As we all know about ID 2010. being a disciple and being a disciplemaker.
honestly, i suck big time at discipleship but looking at how the ministry grow when we first started really encourage me and especially they are fulfilling their greatest potential while also setting a new standard for the next generation to follow.

i received this sms:
"Thanks for not giving up on ur gift/talent, otherwise we wun be able to see such an awesome dance item for opening ceremony."

it kinda made my day?! lol. yeah always mentioned how each dance is gonna be my last dance thanks to the timing sch gives me and the past injuries that only jacq kinda will experience. but well.. i think the dance team grew to another level once again. ^^ and i am proud to be both a disciple and a disciplemaker. ^^

this time round, dance is really massively intensive. haha. i mean from the usual 10 odds dancers to the 21 dancers that performed on stage on the first night, i think we have grown both in numbers and in quality. (: cause my 2 bosses now dun have to dance and the dance item can still go on. they now move towards the next role i.e. directing the dance. (; it is another step alr. ahha. it is called the high level leadership for performing arts! lol. but i am really glad to be in this dance family, one because i can dance, two because i can be truly myself (the mad crazy childish person whom i dun have to face the cruel world all the time), and three because i grew up with these people and i really enjoy everyone of ur presence (be it hiphop team or modern jazz).

u guys are family to me. (:

After growing with the modern jazz team in easter, i now grow with the hiphop team in ID conference, also because someone could lead the modern jazz team now. (: YAY! discipleship! i can now be a disciple after being a disciplemaker. hurhur.

[modern jazz: althea, shermaine, jolene, yiching, huimin, jess, denise]

[hiphop: yiqin, chias, guoan, christine, kangli, jacq, raphael]

thanks all for the hardwork put in though millions of times no one see the sweat, blood and bruises we have behind the scenes, all the audience see is the glam and the lights and the applause but yeah i am glad i am able to be part of the process. (: thanks for giving me this chance to serve God with u hunks and babes. (",) and yes dance has its glam surely but behind every production, there are heaps of refining moments both in skills and in character and in relationships. This production taught me valuable lessons, taught me how at the end of the day, i am gonna grow up with these people to speak thru our dance to connect the audience to us and to God thereafter. THIS IS HARD. there is the humility part where u got to not boast in ur own strength, there is the faithfulness part where u keep improving urself (especially there is no practices now), there is the connecting part where u need to make effort to continue the friendships foster in the midst of ur other commitments. it takes discipline, it takes love, it takes u to care enough to keep all these gg. whichever it will be, i am committed to it all cause i simply love serving u ppl.

rock on dancers!
u guys are simply amazing!

lulu, u would agree with me!
They make it happen!
building God's kingdom brings joy, unspeakable!
(:

on the side note, my make up artist!
ms andria choo zixin!
she improved heaps. my eye make up is done by her.
and yeah. taught her minimum and she just do the rest!

we started last easter drawing each other's eyes!
hurhur.
we start our friendship with trust,
a secret and finally the same hair tie!
random but yeah!
discipleship woots!
go babe, i will lend u my eyes to keep improving!
hurhur. -trust trust-
[xueli]

for image ministry, sometimes discipleship takes other forms such as gg out and be exposed!

and for sure, this girl improved heaps. (: keep going! u have like many more years to go!

also because.. hurhur. u need to surpass ur masters in the team so u can create new dimension for the entire team to grow! so.. way to go, u are on the right track!

***

second up, i finally spend some time with my lg during the second day of conference..
it was pretty random, my cl is down with a bad throat but he always believe that choc makes him well and my other cg members are somewhat encouraging him. loll.
but nvm. we went to do jacq's fav activity.

BUY SHOES!!!

and because it is GSS! i got 2 pairs! lol. okaes. dun judge me ppl, it is 5 bucks per pair.
if my galfriends are with me, they prolly do the same.
acty not, they prolly scold me for bringing them there cause they will buy the entire shop.
but oh well.. here are some random pictures while they were waiting for me.
and i cant believe that my cl acty tweet abt this!

Building the kingdom of God is fun esp with my sort of lg!
it is both thrilling and surely annoying!
haha. if u get it u get it if not forget it!

***

then the night session. i was half dead but yeah i was ministered by my pastors. haha.
greedy me aint satisfied with the word given so i asked cheng to pray for me and finally i think God got the point, he spoke thru ps jasmine poon as well (: and yeah i got wad i want. very well fed. ^^ at the same time very excited and scared. hurhur. den my ex-gals came and find me. lol. awesome awesome awesome! i jus feel so nostalgic cause i really miss them. these are the two batch of ppl under me who moved on and are doing uberly well in their ministries now.

MY DISCIPLES, THE NEXT GEN LEADERS!
(super love!)

[valerie, carinna, sylvina, esther leow, cheryl leong, angel, yinghui, jacq]

[yinghui]

this girl, i will never forget how u inspired me and how that bus ride we both had. it is weird, cause it is only that once but it has so much significance. ^^ and the JB trip that you so shocked me! lol. the cakes and aunt anne's that we bought! lol. super indulgence! but thanks for loving Jesus because u do, many ppl lives are blessed and pls continue to desire for more of him in ur life. u will be such a beam! that light that shines and shouts God's fame out loud! WAY TO GO!
i am cheering for u! ^^ and boy, pls keep wearing wad u wore! tt's the way to go! hurhur.

[esther leow: the spastic-est woman whom i can trust and count on]

babe, maybe u din noe, u have been the one i can trust the most. srsly, not exerting pressure on u but remember the last phone call i gave u? i knew i could count on u. i have said this and i will say here again: "let me call this person whom i can totally trust." thanks for being my friend, i am very blessed to have u in my life. i really dun deserve it, but i am grateful for ur friendship. i haven caught up with u since eons but i appreciate those random msn chats and more imptly, i love u for being u. ^^ honestly, i miss u alot! i miss doing life with u, now that u are doing greater things for the kingdom. keep spurring me on in ur life. because i have to 'let u go' as in to release u to serve God's kingdom more, i will trust that our God has greater things for u to accomplish and that he will take care of u as we serve in our various ministries. i so miss u amusing me! hurhur.

photo-less

[lye peck hua]

hey, sorry i over-reacted that night, u noe wad i meant, haha. next time come up to me and hug me instead. haha. ^^ but yeah i miss ur nonsense very much also. and i am so happy to noe that u are doing so well. i am glad we grow up from the valleys we go thru. u are never alone babe! (: keep inspiring me, keep loving, keep snapping photos, keep doing everything that pleases the Lord. I AM FOLLOWING U ON TWITTER! hahaha.

and to the rest, i dun have individual photos with u during ID, but i wanna say u guys played a v big role in my life. and i really miss serving with u. awww.. i am gonna cry! haha.

Discipleship makes ur heart warm noeing that the foundation u build has escalate to the next level where they start building the second level and the more levels that is to come!

***

on a personal level.. i am learning to improve my photography skills. haha.
not a gift, just some leisure things i do and randomly it turns out well. ahha. and of cos being a disciple is to never stop being a student. so i am being a student, creative student. haha.

[teaching huien to focus on the right object]

and this girl makes me so wanna learn salsa!

well.. and i love this verse from the bible.
be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayers.
it is uber hard to fulfill the above 3, but i am counting on God to make it happen. (:

Discipleship comes from what u learnt from reading his word and not reading his word to impart -- Ps Jeff!

i wanna keep learning !!!

2010-05-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

lessons over bowls of wanton noodles. ^^

this week, i ate the most wanton noodles ever.
i learnt heaps of lessons thru and thru.
and it is a myriad of it. it is ironic.

some people says i am destined to clear mess (both mine and others) while some others just say that i am suffering from messianic complex that i need to always save the world.
but i choose to believe that somehow i have this gift/talent-- the gift and talent of talking to people and make them shut their gap (that's one) and make them realised that God is good cause no matter what they will never be the lowest life form! haha. cause i thus far am the most cui. hurhur.

whatever it is, after many bowls of noodles...
firstly, i am getting tired of wanton noodles, secondly, feifei should really give me commission and finally, wad i can say is that every bowl of wanton noodles gave me new perspectives!

1. i enjoy sparring with ppl because they either give me new convictions or strengthen my beliefs.
2. i get to hear about their lives and the struggles that they are gg thru which makes me think that they are so beautiful simply because they struggle. dun get me wrong i aint perverse. i am jus saying that Christians do struggle we dun live like teletubbies. and because u struggle means u are fighting to correct belief system with God's system. Hence it is beautiful. (:
3. finally, i am so glad to be listening to the process and even be in the process to see things work out right and more imptly, see u grow out of certain struggles in ur life.

now, isnt a bowl of wanton noodles more worth its value? hurhur.

sometimes over those bowls of wanton noodles, i get to hear what people are gg thru and this stirs my heart of compassion. just talk about my last bowl of noodles with dad earlier. he shared with me what my mum is gg thru in work and how he advised her to PRAY TO GOD! srsly, i wondered who really was the Christian?but yeah always believed that men should lead the family. this is one fine example. nonetheless, over that bowl of noodles, i also taught him that besides praying, we should let the cg noe so they can also intercede for u and more imptly, this is wad family is all about. ^^ my family always think that our issues are small dun wish to bother ppl about it but the fact that it bothers u crazily means it meant alot to u. so i dun think the cg would mind that u make a fuss out of a mountain but i guess they appreciate that u included them. it still takes them a while to be that vulnerable to the group but i am very hopeful. (: hoping this week's ID more walls will be broken down in my family. hurhur. i cant wait, for once i am gg to church level stuff tgt with my parents, sister and myself! left my dear bro, but well.. i have faith. hurhur.

oh well... i must admit, this is one thing i am still learning as well. to include my spiritual family in my life, the life of literal ups and downs at almost every second. it fluctuates more than the stock market. it is tt volatile, yes it is! hurhur. if u cant take it, dun bother asking me cause i dun wan to weigh u down with my life. hurhur. in actual fact, u could pray for me instead. ^^ nt everyone could unds the intensity and mess/poo i am gg thru. but to those who do, u are my valued friend! and yeah u noe who u are! (: haha. ehhhs.. can u imagine, like scarly there is this segment where they say gather in ur families to pray for whoever has not receive Jesus! OMGOSH! WOOTS, woots woots! (:

well.. this week i also meddled with the image team. i was assigned to beautify the stage ministers. it is really massive (so many of them) but it was really fun and fulfilling to see them so pretty. i have a liking to make things/people pretty. haha. but anyhows. wad i was saying is that. i learnt life is like fashion. certain prints may make people look good while some make people look really bad, that is from the audience point of view. however, in the consumers point of view, some may think that the certain prints which u thought it look nice and good on you acty make you look bad on the overall. i guess.. this is the same with life. we think that certain life choices maybe best for us but when u put it tgt, it jus dun work and worst of all, it degrades u. i think that is wad hurts cause u have been believing in something that u are so blinded/clouded by.

so i need to be more open to criticism too. truth hurts la but i think if we are not open to the correction of stuff and learning of things, we just will never grow or learn. moreover, we are in the church setting, how bad can learning go! so yeah. if learning is from outside, that really hurts. like srsly hurt. hurhur. and there is no second chance so to speak. i have been thru it. i noe and u wun want it, honestly.

so pls appreciate the church and more so with criticism (and yes of cos must do with tact).
on the other hand, my lg is awesome! we are growing hurhur. i see more ownership and i see relationship and i see more family bonding! YAY, for one, i really love my family la. srsly love.
hurhur. okaes, maybe i have an uber soft spot for people who are young and ppl who so wanna learn. so my gift of help rises when such ppl are ard me. but pls dun take advantage of me. hurhur. i am tt vulnerable. haha. and we dun have to only be nice to ppl when they are down. ^^

looking fwd to take circle line with my parents for the 3 days of ID! woots!
ehhh!! i cant contain! haha.

2010-05-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

Take Goliath Down by Max Lucado

Goliaths still roam our world. Debt. Disaster. Dialysis. Danger. Deceit. Disease. Depression. Super-size challenges still swagger and strut, still pilfer sleep and embezzle peace and liposuction joy. But they can't dominate you. You know how to deal with them. You face giants by facing God first.

Focus on giants—you stumble.

Focus on God—your giants tumble.

You know what David knew, and you do what David did. You pick up five stones, and you make five decisions. Ever wonder why David took five stones into battle? Why not two or twenty? Rereading his story reveals five answers. Use your five fingers to remind you of the five stones you need to face down your Goliath. Let your thumb remind you of …

1. THE STONE OF THE PAST
Goliath jogged David's memory. While everyone else quivered, David remembered. God had given him strength to wrestle a lion and strong-arm a bear. Wouldn't he do the same with the giant? A good memory makes heroes.

"Remember His marvelous works which He has done" (1 Chron. 16:12). Catalog God's successes. Keep a list of his world records. Has he not walked you through high waters? Proven to be faithful? Have you not known his provision? How many nights have you gone to bed hungry? Mornings awakened in the cold? Write today's worries in sand. Chisel yesterday's victories in stone. Pick up the stone of the past. Then select …

2. THE STONE OF PRAYER
Note the valley between your thumb and finger. To pass from one to the next you must go through it. Let it remind you of David's descent. Before going high, David went low; before ascending to fight, David descended to prepare. Don't face your giant without first doing the same. Dedicate time to prayer. Paul, the apostle, wrote, "Prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long" (Eph. 6:18 MSG).

Prayer spawned David's successes. His Brook Besor wisdom grew out of the moment he "strengthened himself in the Lord his God" (1 Sam. 30:6). When Saul's soldiers tried to capture him, David turned toward God: "You have been my defense and refuge in the day of my trouble" (Ps. 59:16).

Invite God's help. Pick up the stone of prayer. And don't neglect …

3. THE STONE OF PRIORITY
Let your tallest finger remind you of your highest priority: God's reputation. David jealously guarded it. No one was going to defame his Lord. David fought so that "all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. Then all this assembly shall know that the Lord does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is the Lord's" (1 Sam. 17:46-47).

David saw Goliath as a chance for God to show off! Did David know he would exit the battle alive? No. But he was willing to give his life for the reputation of God.

What if you saw your giant in the same manner? Rather than begrudge him, welcome him. Your cancer is God's chance to flex his healing muscles. Your sin is God's opportunity to showcase grace. Your struggling marriage can billboard God's power. See your struggle as God's canvas. On it he will paint his multicolored supremacy. Announce God's name and then reach for …

4. THE STONE OF PASSION
David ran, not away from, but toward his giant. On one side of the battlefield, Saul and his cowardly army gulped. On the other, Goliath and his skull-splitters scoffed. In the middle, the shepherd boy ran on his spindly legs. Who bet on David? Who put money on the kid from Bethlehem? Not the Philistines. Not the Hebrews. Not David's siblings or David's king. But God did.

And since God did, and since David knew God did, the skinny runt became a blur of pumping knees and a swirling sling. He ran toward his giant.

Do the same!

Let your ring finger remind you to take up the stone of passion.

One more stone, and finger, remains:

5. THE STONE OF PERSISTENCE
David didn't think one rock would do. He knew Goliath had four behemoth relatives. For all David knew, they'd come running over the hill to defend their kin. David was ready to empty the chamber if that's what it took.

Imitate him. Never give up. One prayer might not be enough. One apology might not do it. One day or month of resolve might not suffice. You may get knocked down a time or two … but don't quit. Keep loading the rocks. Keep swinging the sling.

David took five stones. He made five decisions. Do likewise. Past. Prayer. Priority. Passion. And persistence.

Next time Goliath wakes you up, reach for a stone. Odds are, he'll be out of the room before you can load your sling.

credits: my guardian angel. ^^

I have my 5 stones of P's with me!
gogogo jacq!

2010-05-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

they always say that u can never choose the family you want to be in but u can choose who to befriend with.

i say even if i have a choice to choose my family again, i will never replace the family that God has destined me to be in. I can proudly say the TAN family rocks and I AM LOVING IT!
hurhur. honestly, ever since my parents start attending church regularly, things are much different. BUT surely life isnt a bed of roses, we still quarrel over (perpetually) small matters and make noise over retarded conversations. however, at the end of it, we still make some effort to say the most powerful one word: SORRY and the most powerful two words: THANK YOU.

I would say it is pretty tough where to head on from here. Like we said, bringing your family members to church is tough but maturing them to the next level is TOUGHER! omgosh la. boy, it is alr so tough to mature ur sheep like where to bring them to. Now, u still need to think of ur parents and ask them to read the bible, make it a habit to show them it is important to do QT. i think the challenge is because they are ur parents ! nonetheless, we must model these spiritual habits (: well, cause my mama and papa are attending ID conference, i shall pray they experience the holy spirit so they would be able to finally pray in tongues, rather for my mum to be able to pray in tongues and for dad to receive salvation. Lord, help! i want to be like Gideon where he can say he and his household are serving u with all their hearts! ugh, Lord, i am jealous, but in ur timing i will still trust.

***
as for friends, i have learnt so much thru past hurts and failed friendship that i had enuff so i drew some boundaries somewhere. i finally chose whom i wanna mature my friendship with to the next level. hurhur. like we said we can choose our friendships, so I am choosing wisely cause i can be friends with the world, but i cant be close friends with the entire world. I am sorry, i think i need to start thinking for myself to feed my soul with right people. and because i am gregarious, i need to start being fond of certain companions only. haha. no obligations tho cause it surely takes two hands to clap. (: (: only realised that friendships need to be invested and nurtured. such wisdom is derived when we asked dennis who are his xiong di who are helping him with his wedding. so with tt tot in mind, i haven had names that come readily to my mind. well, i still have time. hurhur.

these friends must never allow me to be like this fake channel.
i want to be able to be real in front of u all. (:
AUTHENTICITY! ^^

this weekend, we also had our first lg (dennis') tgt. had the traditional elements: games, worship, holy com and aob. haha. games were really tiring but some people just never change, they are still doing forfeit ever since the beginning of time (ahem, i shall not mention names). I led worship with bingliang. haha. and yanyu did a fab job in holy com. (: i think our lg cannot be 2hours. we need like half a day. haha. this is wad LG (lifegroup) is all about. we just enjoy doing life tgt. i feel quaint tho. hurhur. some things traditional is good. (: awaits more.. (:

anyhows, had mum's day dinner earlier and spoke much about our future once again. i srsly think my parents wanna retire soon. they are talking about our marriage (like come on!) and yeah talking about mum basing herself in china for work. ehh.. i am gonna miss mum if she does so. i hope she chooses whatever is good for her and wad she wants to do. hurhur. as for me, i would love for her to experience another life culture where she could possibly live as queen and be waited on since she slogged so hard for almost 50++ years of her life, but like i said everything in God's timing. pls intercede for her! cause if she goes, i aint sure if dad is gonna join her and even if he does not, it will be very different at home. yeah the kids are more or less grown up but everything else here is untouched and unsettled. ehs. another time where i kinda hate change. but if i could go over and help mum at her work, i prolly would. it is gonna be fun! ahha, but then again, wad's gonna happen here? the crossroads in life just gets tougher with age.
but whichever, i am sure my mum cant live alone there. so i hope for a miracle like maybe a committed church member is gg there to work too. den can help lead mum. omgosh, imagine my mama is a church planter!? haha. i cant wait for how God is gonna use her.

each time i think about such stuff i am excited, and because these dreams wun need a price from my commitment, i very well like to dream of everything that God can possibly do. it is like God, surprise me! (: how nice if my family can be that family unit that produces church planters in different arena of the society. wow. i am srsly dreaming now.. imagine my sis reaching out to the finance sector with her gg to uk perhaps? and den my parents to china (they say it is the most similar to their current living styles) and my brother to stay here to reach out to my extended family since he doesnt like getting out of here and me, finally me straight to america! haha.
haha. as i speak i get excited but i noe if God is not for it, all these will jus be mere man's talk. so... hurhur. i am gonna jus chuck it aside again and Lord, if u allow and it is in ur plans, do wadever is necessary. i am awaiting u to surprise me. hurhur.

so good to noe i am still in his plan. (:
but for now, i will fight books this week and give my all before i finally graduate! (;

prayer points:
1. pray for my results to be so fantastic that i can apply for scholarship (both this and last sem)
2. pray for me to rely more on God esp. papa's salvation and spiritual temperature to be higher at home.
3. pray for me to never give up on what God has intended for me to do.

pray i am sane by end of august. (:
<3

2010-04-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

my last week of holidays ended off with a week of meeting the stars.
after meeting ah niu and gang at penang,
i continue to meet more stars/celebs/talents/bigshots this week. (:

ivan heng the creative director as always.
shaked hands with him as a gesture of courtesy.
he is one talented freak. (:
his show is so darn political
but i LIKE!
hurhur.

recommended for all to watch.
but it is for those like if you get it you get it type.
okaes. re-rate: for mature audience only.

then it was aff. met patrick mok in her latest outfit.
i love her bling jacket but too bad din have a chance to take a photo of her jacket.
she had her teeth fixed and she is quite fashionable acty. (:
maybe i like her for being courageous to become who she is.
no pretense. (: or even if there is i wun noe?!

den my favourite fashion doctor!

she was wearing gold studds jacket and shoes!
the problem with singapore, it is just too small.
u meet everyone at everywhere.
(:

den met jade at my house area.

haha. she is true to the picture.
not much changes.
but she has pretty much veins popping out at her wrist.

[btw, all photos are googled, i din bring my camera along with me that night!]

below's a snapshot of the show, i attended ktz's (:
enjoy! yeah i met sarah ann k. she is really humble tho.

kudos to ktz!

and finally,
cheers to aff!
(:

2010-04-28T02:51:00.001-07:00

after exiting my world of sorrow and negativity, i think my boyfriend is v cool. all these while, i am just so ignorant that he has placed me in good and safe grounds.
let's see how God had planned for such a time like this.

hurhur. and yesh i think i am truly lucky (?)
firstly, i am born a gen Y, who was given a chance to serve in this global movement in the youth ministry. secondly, i had another privilege of bringing my friends and family to church to serve alongside with me. and finally, i thank God i had the chance to do missions when i am in my teens. (: who would believe a noobie in teaching them how to improve in their methods of running a church. HA! =x

it dated back to youth's first ever missions trip to sarawak, sibu and sarikei. (:
i remembered how i had to fight and convince with my mum then to allow me to go overseas with my friends. those were the days where no one ever sneak to JB, let alone to go overseas with friends. but i remembered what Shirls said, there must be a purpose and reason that God has planned for me to go at the very last minute. and today i am right here standing in amazement. (:

hurhur. things din happened instantly but over the period of 5 years.
this is really scary but i am sure God (as always) will remind me of the prayers i prayed and especially when he fulfilled it. (: so timely.

this trip to Penang was really random. Dennis just wanted to make some connections and friends at Penang so to be able to connect and work with the Youth group there and his luring bait was Penang laksa. aha. i was NOT tempted cause i din really wanted Penang laksa, i wanted to just get out of Singapore. hurhur. (: but i guess physical needs prevail. so i went, not knowing what to expect especially after the hellish week in school. so i went with 3 macho guys, Mr Ephraim, Mr Jospeh, Mr Dennis. sigh, the imbalance of such team. 1 girl is to the whole youth group while 3 guys can share and do more with the brudders.

DEAREST GALFRIENDS! save up please! the movement need you all to impart ur faith and love for Jesus. hurhur.

anyhows, this is the crux of the trip which is echo-ed by zehan.
the fruit of ur labour jacq, is displayed here.

o.O

ehs?! hurhur. little did i noe, those that i shared my life with as i prayed specifically for them in Sibu are now the key leaders in Penang student ministry! hurhur. wow? i am just intrigued. srsly, i have no idea what i did the last time i went to Sibu, i only knew i had to speak heaps of Chinese and pray and converse in Mandarin. hurhur.

our influence is worldwide. it is international, it is massive. T_T
till this point i can only sing and say, My God is Great! (:
so i guess knowing that the little things that you do really matters and encourages people in a long way drives me further and harder to seeing the Great Commission coming to past. (: and my father knows me as always. the way he speaks is immense. haha. =.= oh well..
then somehow God just keeps surprising us? lol. when we drove up to Penang, it was another 4 to 5 hours of car ride, i was really tired cause in the last night of the conference the 4 crazy girls (Christine, Regina, Bridget, myself) were talking about how big their role are in building God's dream church. (: and because our Penang brothers and sisters were very hungry, they din let me off in the car. Honestly, I din noe if i was sharing in my semi-conscious mode or i was just dreaming. hurhur. anyhows, dun ask me what they ask i cant remember but if i am not wrong we were discussing about church model and how to lead church in the new gen. haha. such a topic in my semi-conscious mode. yeah! ^^

but i think the thing really encourages me is that all over the world people around me are as serious and as ready to serve this ultra big vision. (: thank you God! (: hurhur, it is really good to noe that i am never alone serving in this puny dot which is totally invisible on the map. ^^

on the side note, i think God just keep surprising us. we literally did church tgt instead of the usual workshop that we conduct etc. we caught a movie, puppy love by ah niu. and guess wad? the moment we finish the movie, ah niu was outside signing his posters. haha. boy, it was just so lucky? haha. and i would say it was just so O.M.G! i am so not his fan and being all things to all men, my dearest Penang brothers and sisters pleaded with us to take a photo with them to bring home to Singapore. and yeah, this is how we ended up meeting ah niu (for such a time like this). hurhur. oh well, we are just that LUCKY i guess. awaits for Mr Dennis to upload the photos so i can photoblog. (:

but this mini retreat helped me realigned alot of perspectives and helped me to realise how fortunate i have been. (:
i am my father's pride. both earthly and heavenly father.
earthly because my dad is really supportive of what i do which i am so grateful of and he really thinks the heavens of me. like man, whenever i go abroad, he will always fetch me and wish me in my lingo? (God bless ar!) haha. more imptly, he will announce to the whole town when i am back and when i do macro-level stuff. hemps. (: hopefully i wun be suck into trying to live to please his expectations. hurhur.

as for my heavenly father, i guess he noes i am tired and he gently reminds me to get back to running the race again. hurhur. oh well.. i think he did it in a most apt way? lol. like i cant stand nags (surely), neither can i stand those harsh and imposing rules cause at the end of it, i will still rebel. so my abba father just gently reminded me thru the big shots in the movement. hurhur. and woah, i guess i am still running towards winning the prize. hurhur. (sounds so antm--random) I am my father's pride. he is proud of me, he enjoys my worship, he is delighted to see me do his works. he tells the world i am his child thru the blessings i received. He screams my name from the crowd of multitudes: 'JACQ U ROCK!' haha. [i noe, i cant imagine either!]

I am my father's pride.
So i am gamed to live to build my father's dream. (:
thanks abba,
more to come! hurhur.
for now, it is time to clear the mess i created. hurhur. ^^
it is time to be vulnerable. it is time to stand up and fight!
it is time to continue the good work he begun in me.
i should never be weary of doing good.
NEVER.
jacq pls remember.

On a personal note, i am just so glad that FINALLY people are listening to the youths. finally they think we are not a nuisance, finally they think we acty do make sense, finally they realised that we are serious about the vision of God as well. FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY.
hurhur. oh well. talking abt the next gen, you surely are referring to the young of the church (kids and youth). pls dont think that we don't respect you adults (well, i am one now), in fact, sometimes we are shut out too fast to even be able to put our point across.

but honestly, i think there should be a mutual unds and appreciation done. not just in church but even in the foodcourt and just outside the church. i am making this plead not because i am just some arrogant arse who thinks that youths are the way to things etc. but i think the most impt thing now (like wat pj said), we need to bond the church by highlighting each congregation's strength. boy, when this is done right, nothing can stop us from working tgt to make the kingdom advance faster. most of the time, it is solving internal conflict that takes up so much time. it is the same as christians fighting with christians. =x not as if we don't have enuff oppositions, so let's work tgt to be that beautiful bride that Jesus is coming back for. (:

MY MAMA AND PAPA ARE ATTENDING ID CONFERENCE WITH MUAH!!!!
woots!

for that, i am working hard for ID conference! my interim assignment. ^^
also, i am officially helping out in the image wardrobe team.
so do spam me with all ur stuff u people are viewing and surfing.
i want to do my daddy proud. (:
and of cos be a better steward.

for the name of <3, i am able to do all that he created in me.

2010-04-28T02:51:00.000-07:00

after exiting my world of sorrow and negativity, i think my boyfriend is v cool.
all these while, i am just so ignorant that he has placed me in good and safe grounds.
let's see how God had planned for such a time like this.

hurhur. and yesh i think i am truly lucky (?)
firstly, i am born a gen Y, who was given a chance to serve in this global movement in the youth ministry. secondly, i had another privilege of bringing my friends and family to church to serve alongside with me. and finally, i thank God i had the chance to do missions when i am in my teens. (: who would believe a noobie in teaching them how to improve in their methods of running a church. HA! =x

it dated back to youth's first ever missions trip to sarawak, sibu and sarikei. (:
i remembered how i had to fight and convince with my mum then to allow me to go overseas with my friends. those were the days where no one ever sneak to JB, let alone to go overseas with friends. but i remembered what Shirls said, there must be a purpose and reason that God has planned for me to go at the very last minute. and today i am right here standing in amazement. (:

hurhur. things din happened instantly but over the period of 5 years.
this is really scary but i am sure God (as always) will remind me of the prayers i prayed and especially when he fulfilled it. (: so timely.

this trip to Penang was really random. Dennis just wanted to make some connections and friends at Penang so to be able to connect and work with the Youth group there and his luring bait was Penang laksa. aha. i was NOT tempted cause i din really wanted Penang laksa, i wanted to just get out of Singapore. hurhur. (: but i guess physical needs prevail. so i went, not knowing what to expect especially after the hellish week in school. so i went with 3 macho guys, Mr Ephraim, Mr Jospeh, Mr Dennis. sigh, the imbalance of such team. 1 girl is to the whole youth group while 3 guys can share and do more with the brudders.

DEAREST GALFRIENDS! save up please! the movement need you all to impart ur faith and love for Jesus. hurhur.

anyhows, this is the crux of the trip which is echo-ed by zehan.
the fruit of ur labour jacq, is displayed here.

o.O

ehs?! hurhur. little did i noe, those that i shared my life with as i prayed specifically for them in Sibu are now the key leaders in Penang student ministry! hurhur. wow? i am just intrigued. srsly, i have no idea what i did the last time i went to Sibu, i only knew i had to speak heaps of Chinese and pray and converse in Mandarin. hurhur.

our influence is worldwide. it is international, it is massive. T_T
till this point i can only sing and say, My God is Great! (:
so i guess knowing that the little things that you do really matters and encourages people in a long way drives me further and harder to seeing the Great Commission coming to past. (: and my father knows me as always. the way he speaks is immense. haha. =.= oh well..
then somehow God just keeps surprising us? lol. when we drove up to Penang, it was another 4 to 5 hours of car ride, i was really tired cause in the last night of the conference the 4 crazy girls (Christine, Regina, Bridget, myself) were talking about how big their role are in building God's dream church. (: and because our Penang brothers and sisters were very hungry, they din let me off in the car. Honestly, I din noe if i was sharing in my semi-conscious mode or i was just dreaming. hurhur. anyhows, dun ask me what they ask i cant remember but if i am not wrong we were discussing about church model and how to lead church in the new gen. haha. such a topic in my semi-conscious mode. yeah! ^^

but i think the thing really encourages me is that all over the world people around me are as serious and as ready to serve this ultra big vision. (: thank you God! (: hurhur, it is really good to noe that i am never alone serving in this puny dot which is totally invisible on the map. ^^

on the side note, i think God just keep surprising us. we literally did church tgt instead of the usual workshop that we conduct etc. we caught a movie, puppy love by ah niu. and guess wad? the moment we finish the movie, ah niu was outside signing his posters. haha. boy, it was just so lucky? haha. and i would say it was just so O.M.G! i am so not his fan and being all things to all men, my dearest Penang brothers and sisters pleaded with us to take a photo with them to bring home to Singapore. and yeah, this is how we ended up meeting ah niu (for such a time like this). hurhur. oh well, we are just that LUCKY i guess. awaits for Mr Dennis to upload the photos so i can photoblog. (:

but this mini retreat helped me realigned alot of perspectives and helped me to realise how fortunate i have been. (:
i am my father's pride. both earthly and heavenly father.
earthly because my dad is really supportive of what i do which i am so grateful of and he really thinks the heavens of me. like man, whenever i go abroad, he will always fetch me and wish me in my lingo? (God bless ar!) haha. more imptly, he will announce to the whole town when i am back and when i do macro-level stuff. hemps. (: hopefully i wun be suck into trying to live to please his expectations. hurhur.

as for my heavenly father, i guess he noes i am tired and he gently reminds me to get back to running the race again. hurhur. oh well.. i think he did it in a most apt way? lol. like i cant stand nags (surely), neither can i stand those harsh and imposing rules cause at the end of it, i will still rebel. so my abba father just gently reminded me thru the big shots in the movement. hurhur. and woah, i guess i am still running towards winning the prize. hurhur. (sounds so antm--random) I am my father's pride. he is proud of me, he enjoys my worship, he is delighted to see me do his works. he tells the world i am his child thru the blessings i received. He screams my name from the crowd of multitudes: 'JACQ U ROCK!' haha. [i noe, i cant imagine either!]

I am my father's pride.
So i am gamed to live to build my father's dream. (:
thanks abba,
more to come! hurhur.
for now, it is time to clear the mess i created. hurhur. ^^
it is time to be vulnerable. it is time to stand up and fight!
it is time to continue the good work he begun in me.
i should never be weary of doing good.
NEVER.
jacq pls remember.

On a personal note, i am just so glad that FINALLY people are listening to the youths. finally they think we are not a nuisance, finally they think we acty do make sense, finally they realised that we are serious about the vision of God as well. FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY.
hurhur. oh well. talking abt the next gen, you surely are referring to the young of the church (kids and youth). pls dont think that we don't respect you adults (well, i am one now), in fact, sometimes we are shut out too fast to even be able to put our point across.

but honestly, i think there should be a mutual unds and appreciation done. not just in church but even in the foodcourt and just outside the church. i am making this plead not because i am just some arrogant arse who thinks that youths are the way to things etc. but i think the most impt thing now (like wat pj said), we need to bond the church by highlighting each congregation's strength. boy, when this is done right, nothing can stop us from working tgt to make the kingdom advance faster. most of the time, it is solving internal conflict that takes up so much time. it is the same as christians fighting with christians. =x not as if we don't have enuff oppositions, so let's work tgt to be that beautiful bride that Jesus is coming back for. (:
MY MAMA AND PAPA ARE ATTENDING ID CONFERENCE WITH MUAH!!!!
woots!

for that, i am working hard for ID conference! my interim assignment. ^^
also, i am officially helping out in the image wardrobe team.
so do spam me with all ur stuff u people are viewing and surfing.
i want to do my daddy proud. (:
and of cos be a better steward.

for the name of <3, i am able to do all that he created in me.

2010-04-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

leaving for a jetplane in 5 hours time.
will prolly have alot to say when i come home
because i alr have alot to say right now.
but shall only attempt to blog it when i am back..

till then,
keep praying for me! (:

2010-04-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

bummer!
I am finally DONE with school!
OH YEAH!
hell is over! (:

thanks for all the prayers and simple gestures like msges, food, sweets, msn chats, twitter shouts and surely, the constant drilling that i need to work faster.

hurhur.

and it's PARTY TIME!
boy, i am such a chiongster.
but who cares!

meanwhile enjoy this that was accompanying me thru the multitudes of essays!

2010-04-14T19:20:00.000-07:00

the things i do for friends. (:
in the midst of my essay mania,
I valued LIFE and FRIENDSHIP over all DEADLINES.

helped out at tai's mtv shoot.
and here are the other supporters NOT helpers!
hurhur.

wendy [the professional], huien, sheena and me [the noobs].
the ones that formed the makeup team.
wendy roped me into her industry. (:
i credit to doing alot of makeup stuff in church.
and out of boredom, i did huien and sheena's hair.
and i hate a great time with my dearest bud, huien!
we finally had that moment.
tho we always had. ^^

thanks to tai's mtv shoot, i had some breather before i carry on the essays.
sometimes, there is what is the right thing to do anymore.
it is more of wad i want to get out of wad i do.

***
this morning's breakfast at G's.
"some people finds life monotonous and mundane so we need to reevaluate our life priorities"

then the question was:
what is the purpose of your life?

i answered:
sleep. o.O
hurhur. the qns u shall never ask a person after she worked all night to get her essay up.

saint jacqs has decided to live for the moment &
seize all opportys to make life not monotonous or without purpose.
as long as sleep is achieved everyday, haha, her life is filled with meaning.
so much for breakfast at G's.

wish me luck.
essay 20% done.
due date tmr!

2010-04-13T01:20:00.000-07:00

the voice within screams loud.

get up!
get up!
get up!
jacq, get up!

GET UP!

the very words from my coach:
in the ring, there is only one winner.
and that greatest fight is to get up on ur feet right now
and fight ur opponent!

get real.
get up,
jacq get urself up!

2010-04-11T01:30:00.000-07:00

an email that i received from that lady who blessed me so much on sat. (:
She is really divinely sent.
She is such an angel.
This is the response she gave me after i thanked her for everything. (:

***

It's a pleasure to be able to be a blessing.

I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today
To guide you and protect you, as you go along the way
His love is always with you
His promises are true
And when you give Him all your cares
I know He'll see you through
So when the road you're travelling on seems difficult to bear
Just remember I'm here praying
And God will do the rest.

May God's Shalom, Love and Joy be with you and your family.

God bless!

aptly accurate?!
boy, my bf really knows me. (:

2010-04-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

before i start ranting and telling u how my week went.

i wanna say this pair of heels is darn chio!

i have a similar pull and bear pair but i refuse to wear.firstly, i will get stoned.

secondly, i dun bear to dirty it.
thirdly, it is just too pretty so i am gonna admire it.

shuacks.
i think when i have my own house, i will have a room to display my wardrobe, my shoes and my bags. and good luck, if ever, to my hubby.
hurhur.
ppl have safe for their valuables i have safe for these valuables. (:
classic pieces la! srsly. i sound bimbotic, but if u share the same love, u will unds wad i mean.
right galfriends!? (cross fingers!)

***

on a side note, i broke up with my boyfriend ! T_T

we were having a real bad quarrel and argument since Easter.
but there was jus too many things to do that i dont feel physically stretched, but
i feel emotionally stretched!
my dear friend mabel pointed that out to me.
i officially awol him.
but i think because i love him so much,
i acty have a soft spot to how he re-pursue me back!

let me tell u the drama!

have been questioning him heaps about all the happenings that are obviously killing me softly.
and i sincerely hope it is because of stress and tiredness that i am like wad i am.
otherwise i will hate myself so much and have this bitterness against him.
gosh. it is just so much a struggle.
right from the start, i keep blaming him for putting me in spots that i din sign up for.
lead a pioneering team (okaes, im cool about tt)
gel 3 different groups of ppl in legion 3 (okaes, if u say my calling, den i'll do it)
lead the fusion team (hemps, okaes.)
school's crunch time (ESSAYS MANIA!)
family disaster
friends (MIA-ing and EMO-ing)
my ppl decided to skip pioneering cause they got a dateline at midnight, and den ppl start to realise the world is more attractive so decided to go alittle for the world.
OMGOSH SAME STRUGGLE LA! o.O
making me like a superhuman when i only wanna be human not SUPER.
T_T

but wth la.
so i declared cold war with him.
and it is kinda sweet and refreshing of how he pursues me?
i am such a petty lady! o.O

1st attempt: getting ppl to send me 'jiayou' sms
(sorry bf, i not so easy to appease, not working, try harder.)

2nd attempt: legion3a's support despite the others who still decided to give me hell.
my sheep is really spiritual. lol. she acty told me alot of things and was a great support in my new beginnings. hurhur. thanks sheep! but some other people just decided to be jaded (like me!)
(but sorry bf, it kinda neutralised the effect, and oops it din work)

3rd attempt: sending random passers-by to talk to me.
(crap, i have to say this worked!)

super scary, i was running late for service and i was stranded at chuan area, so i asked tt passer-by how long do u think i will get to town? she helped me devise a plan and oops it din work cause the bus never arrived.
so i decided to cab and offer to give her a lift after the 20 mins talk.

this is crazy.
her first comment was,
u better pray for a miracle lo den the bus will come.
i was like ehs, okaes u are a christian.
den she went onto tell me that she is gg to town to meet her sister to pass her the bible she bought for her since months ago.
i was like wow okaes. that's thoughtful.
then she went onto say something about she has passion for the lost.
i was like ehs, i not very close with u leys and ehs, i also christian and ehs, i also got heart for the lost. and ehs, i am running late for service. =x

we kinda clicked after talking so i decided to give her a lift to town.
dun ask me why i have such an assurance and courage to ask her to share the cab.
the scariest thing is
she shared her outreach plan to me on the cab.
i was like ehs.
i am so amazed!
she is freaking 59, mind you.
i have never met someone so contagious in her spirit and man, i was asking myself, will i also be doing this at 59? such an inspiration!
she acty prayed and asked God, wat should she do today?
so she said the Lord said to go visit her sister.
wow. SO AMAZED!
and she has a son as old as me who was from tpjc (kim, do u noe him? emmanuel)

now the question is:
will my mum also be like that serving?
wad a vision, wad an inspiration!

and crazy her, she wants to pay for my cab fees!
i was like ehs, nonono i offered the ride, how come in the end u pay for me!
and omgosh, she said: "this is how God works, let me bless you."
bf, not bad ehs, u noe i broke den send me this kind of blessing.
but truly this entire journey to nexus was never so meaningful.

so encouraged and uplifted. i ran for service and shared to the first person i met in the lift.
i think nate must be thinking i am mad but omgosh!
bf, u srsly won me over! (:

but haha! i still playing hard to get. i threw tantrums after service and all.
decided to run away from all sorts of people in my life.
had an awful time trying to get away.
the spiritual me says this is not the way.
the unspiritual me says WTHeck, let me be.
i wanna just do all the wrongs in the world now.

so i ran away but not fast enuff, spotted by another friend who kinda has strong discernment, me after. =x but well.. not the point, i went to splurge on myself and get some self-pamper so i spent heaps of money, duno consider wise or not but the money was almost possible to get my fruit phone. but wadever la. i needed that spending if not i will really do stupid things.
but u see even when i am splurging, bf still send ppl to talk to me.
when i am about to buy something, den this shop owner talked about her experience in thailand and how she witnessed the red shirts and almost din return cause they declared emergency state. then she said this key thing:
I PRAYED LIKE MAD.
i was v lucky, i got home before they declared emergency state and my friends who were there earlier said so too. i only went there for one day and everything else was safe.
i was like wow, this is sho cool.
u are really protected ehs! haha. she agreed.
and bf, u won me over, again. (:

so feeling alittle better i went home and decided to sleep.
on the way home, was thinking of stuff again, then thot abt kim.
i guess bf wants me to not be lonely and think nonsense.
freakishly she accidentally called me. and we had a good sms convo.
thanks babe. think it was divine too.

but the finale ...
he made joyce tan call me.
tt was truly a surprise.
i din expect her call and i din realise i haven spoken to her for ages.
well, i would say speaking to her always make me laugh cause she's truthful.
and she reminded me of my convictions and yeah i so needed that to keep me back on track.

this week is my has never been so... week.

and boy i just realised all my friends are now in adults group and i am kinda left behind.
they are congregated tgt.
shuacks, i suddenly feel lonely.
:/

to the ppl i totally annoyed on sat, pls forgive me, give me some time to reconcile with my bf and myself den i will reconcile with you too. give me some time.
my air is very stale and i am very stifled.
and boy u noe i have heaps to sort out with u.

bf, thanks for ur love.
i srsly dun deserve it.
help me to love u more.
and consume my thoughts as i rest in you
<3, ur temperamental hussy.

2010-03-31T22:57:00.000-07:00

what is dancing to you?
it is all spoken in my dance.
(:

2010-03-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

stealing time to journal this week's learnings and happenings.
hurhur. i am obviously not done with my essays but i kinda need a break.
need to do something i like. (:

this is a as-usual crazy week for me.
nonetheless still as happening and eventful.
the once mel-phleg me has become chlor thanks to school's never ending assignments.
after the crazy week of filming, i kinda miss service and pioneering all at one go!
so annoying. but God's still faithful.

after sch, rush down for pioneering, it was raining like mad and i was freezing so i went to meet my sheep at parkway only to realise that it was 6! =x she waited for me for almost 3 hours. i was kinda feeling bad, also because she is my new sheep so we are still q unfamiliar with each other. and it is only a duet team! =x

but God is faithful, he still blessed us with 2 awesome contacts from KC.
in case u din noe, KC is like quite an extreme for both sorts of people, if u unds. it is q rare to find such 'normal' people. ahha. but yay!
it was kinda funny, IT HAS BEEN CENTURIES SINCE I STREET-E!
desperate as we are, we went ahead and yippee! praying uber hard they will come for service and bring heaps of KC-ian along! lol.

my plead: if u have any friends, siblings, relatives from KC, pls buzz me!!!

den sat's filming too! it was really crazy.
we started filming as early as 9am and all the way to 5ish.
but i thank God for such oppty. it is sad to eat into my sat, but it is awesome because my classmates have an uber good impression of church now.
haha. sat, i was like bringing them to my home (literally).
it was like an orientation at nexus, with people saying hello, hugging me and as usual the security guards making things kinda difficult for us but church people are good host!
oh well. it was just like any other sats, but the only thing was they saw how different church is.
and for that it is a FTW! \m/
So proud to be in hope church! this is really my home. haha.

after that day of hard work...
my reward: to spend time with my fav. ppl at my fav. hangout place. (:
this sounds pretty much like an advertorial.
but well.. like the saying goes, good things must share.
okaes. it was an accidental support on sat. we din noe yushan's doing her gig so we ended up enjoying lovely music and great company (drop all formalities and pretense) !
the trio decided to just hang out cause jacq's boss is away and her stipulated time to have a mac day with chantel is like taking ages, so it is head out to 15 min!
and because we are such a sucker for ambience, drinks and music.
thank God for such a place!
it is called 15 min because they believe in a 15 min to fame thing where everyone showcase their talents. As for me, i need a 15min timeout in my life, regularly! haha.
more imptly, they have plugs for my hubby!

and we ended up camwhoring, not with any digital camera but with chantel's hubby, macbook aluminium! haha. it was really crazy but yeah the more decent photos are below, it was a promise to not let the other pictures out. hurhur. (:

guess who is holding to the mac?
my muscles are all toned up after carrying the super heavy camera for filming.

the best picture taken for the day!

All in all, the Lord summed up my week with this point in ulm.
keep a simple and humble heart. for this is all that is needed to build his kingdom.

James 1: 2-8, 12
²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

¹²Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

For those who are feeling the crunch and the many testings and trials, a little note to share with u.. it is normal to feel broken and very helpless because this is when our faith in God is tested. And this is done to mature us, to shape us, to break us down for the things that is unpleasing to the initial creation he destined u to be. It will take q long to rid off the root of such blemish, so bear with it and persevere cause in due time, u will be that beautiful finish. (:

and fear not, u are not alone. i now am going thru it and my only motivation is the cross.
it is painful, it is frustrating, but i noe this pain cannot be compared.

that is the beauty of pain (the cross).

re-dedicating my life to him:

be simple,

be humble,

there has to be partnership,

and that is the theme of my 2010!

listening-- power of your name, Lincoln Brewster

2010-03-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

alignment: being (super) human.
this week is a long week and it is freaking a lesson on alignment. T_T
once again learnt it a hard way and i learnt it all alone.
hurhur.

oh well.. this has been a long week for me.
re-shifting my perspective on trust.
i am kinda overwhelmed not by the stuff i need to complete and do on hand but by the fact that i am doing all these alone. this freaks me out q badly. anyhows, not that i am insecure or lonely or worse, some loner that seeks to have friend, but i guess.. i am just human. i also need encouragement, need help and surely need assurance that i wun be busted (srsly).

and once again, i feel so blessed to have lxy calling me to just ask me how i am and jio-ed me out for a holiday with her. (: thanks, tt surely made my day. srsly did. so blessed that these ppl still remembers me. hurhur. also received another sms from en encouraging me and reminding me that God's grace is sufficient for me. well i really guess so. AGAIN, thanks for remembering I aint a superhuman. also, i guess the expectations and pressure come when i am expected to live up to certain name that you ppl create for me. ha! hearing remarks like: "sure can one la, you are jacq!", "well you noe that it will always turn out well", "come on, you have always been doing it anyways!"and "it is all in the mind." gosh, it kinda work and dun work ?

but dear friends,
u guys noe that i am not really hard up abt the results, i am more affected by the process. like even if it turned out well but the process suck, it doesnt really makes a difference. and surely, my mind hasnt been well receiving the fact that everything's gonna be alright. the heap of shit for me to clear is just never ending. it is wearing me out slowly and surely. my fears are simple and simply too much for me to bear at most times. i noe this only i can move it ard and only i have to do it on my own.

things are just not getting any better.
busted by my friends.
busted by my (unqualified) lecturer.
having to clear ppl's mess which i am totally unclear of what happened.
the group is not functioning somehow.
people are missing, constantly.
have to compartmentalise my emotions b4 i go for every other responsibility.

these are moments where i really wanna quit.
quitting seems so easy now, but honestly, it still freaking takes alot of courage to say,
alright, i will continue to press on and stick by this shit and wait for things to get better.
and to toughen up and thicken my skin to just say...
God will move, when? how? i duno.
let's just be a good finisher, since u said yes, you have to own the entire thing till it is done.
super conflicted.
thoughts running in me makes me super exasperated.

well.. the glamourous side of thing but.. the fine prints of saying yes,
what the hell did i jus sign up for?!

may the good Lord save jacq thru this another tormenting week!
with all the other east leaders disappearing this week.
i too am disappearing. (:
superman's gal is just too hard to be.
T_T

mao's last dancer.
jacq's last dance.

2010-03-16T10:45:00.001-07:00

in the midst of chionging my deadly assignments,
a gift from my BFF. (:
<3

2010-03-14T07:39:00.000-07:00

missed last week blog's entry due to the ill-disciplined me.
anyhows, as many of u may noe, this week the restructure kicks in and means jacq has even more stuff to do right now. -snorts-

HALLELUJAH she shouts!

looking at the new structure, my leaders and I can only say...
there must be more than this, God we choose to look to you.
only when we look to you then we will feel at rest.
anything else we are depressed and stressed.

srsly. Lord, we need you in da picture even more. we don't even noe who are in this with us. we don't even noe if those onboard will stick with us, or when met with storm, they will dayong sampan away. haha. so much confidence in my people ehs? but tt's truth.

PLS PRAY FOR US. (:
and if u see any of my leaders, pls go up to them and cheer them on also.
meng, crimson, shermaine, ruizong, jessica and alvin. ((:

well well... my greatest learning point this week is ... when i am with younger ( i srsly mean younger) guys, i need to be less sensitive and not mother them, instead i need to be their friend or even a sister that they look up to and so they would want to share their lives with me. AND I NEED TO BE ULTRA THICK-SKIN! man.. i feel disgusted with myself. so thickskinned la, and they still dun get it. i think i need to be even more thickskinnedd.. ugh! fugly!

and i guess the greatest encouragement that put a closure to this week is the bus ride earlier back home with shans. (: it just all happened randomly, but i thank God he made it possible. (: knowing that these new gems are awaiting for God to use them spurs me on to once again rid my whines and start my track in being intentional to groom them to fulfill their greatest potential in Christ. (:

this make my day and get me prepped for the coming weeks to gel the unit tgt.
of all the changes, mine's the most drastic and the most diverse and i have the most unstable people with me. haha. but heck la. as long as i have my God, nth's gonna stand in the way. (: well.. God is gracious, he provided me with more help, a faithful army of 6 people plus me is 7! (: i am re-learning the joy of being a LGL ba. (: after all... it has been a while since i last led a lg. it is back to the basics. (:

u can see the trying very hard to be optimistic me. but i really believe that as long as i be still before God, he will do everything else in due time. just spend my mornings right with my creator, everything should be alright.

and surely live a healthier life. (: mum and dad is gg on a really healthy lifestyle now, and i am to comply with their nutrient food list. piangs. they are really strict noe! =x i feel so suppressed i need to say goodbye to nice food. wah lau.. no more supper also. sians. they really believe in this milkshake thingy sia. wad if it is a fraud. we will all die. haha. =x

and den i wanna discipline myself in the morning to spend longer time with God.
so mean wake up at 7 sleep at 1. omgosh! is it possible? hurhur. somemore with all my workload. i try okaes God. it is really impossible. by the time i come home from school and ministry 11pm alr. den 2 hours how to do work ehs? =x den new group means dun need to meet ppl? haha! den need to go sheep scouting somemore.

wah piangs. i duno if i will die after this 3o days' challenge. srsly, and there is no way to secretly eat cause.. everyday i am supposed to take my body mass and all. like there is a breakdown of body fats, muscles %, metabolism rate and wadeever crapp. piangs. i think i will really die this time. my dad is dead serious about this! howwwww.... my comfort food. =x

if u see darker rings around my alr panda eyes or u see how cui i am,
pls help me by coming up to me and say jiayou! (:
it will somehow work. (:
thanks in advance.

so now... we are 2 weeks away from April and I am not done with half of the things in school.
shuacks man. srsly.

1 video editing
2 outdoor shoots
10 comment pieces of 500 words each
2 pptn
4 essays
1 website
1 easter dance
the constant gelling of the group

PRAYYYY with me dear friends,
if not now, i need prayer more than ever.
pls pray for wisdom, effectiveness, efficiency and more imptly, pray i wun lose my soul. aha.
also excellence. (:

i will survive will be my theme song from now ons..

2010-02-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

my dream hair. when i have the courage, i will do it! (:
rather when i am bored of my long hair. (:

i have been contemplating. @_@

2010-02-27T19:55:00.000-08:00

something that God assured me this week. (: so glad he did!
In Daniel 10:1-12,
particularly v12,

Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, ~~Daniel~~ Jacq. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.

That was awesome assurance! Yay! thank you God for reassuring me that my prayers are heard. (: wisdom understanding and humility are all that i need now. do you that the peace and tranquility u get out of it all? this is it, this is what the Lord says. (: I am sure God noes what i can bear and what i need to learn and undergo before i can do all that he planned for me. (: I am just so blessed to be able to hear more clearly from him nowadays, no longer as clogged or clouded with my own thoughts. and i believe that... for greater things are yet to come and greater things are still to be done in the East. (:

he keeps reassuring and i jus need my heart to be still right now. xD i responded to make 2010 a year of partnership right, so this is the response to my first assignment of trust which is indirectly linked to all parts of my life. haha. btw, i am forgo-ing my exchange to newcastle. (: God has a better plan for me, i am sure. (:

so what's with that for me? haha. recently, i am given more responsibilities in ALL areas of my life and i srsly wasnt overwhelmed just a little wow-ed at how God kan de qi wo. the first occasion which i am quite rigid to change. other than that, I LOVE change. i srsly do. haha. (:
oh well.. pray for this noob. pray for me that i will not stop listening to God and in fact be so in tune that i noe constantly what is next. (:

so this week i evaluated myself again, i think i need it even more regularly now.

mon and tues were days to catch up with my own school work. ordinary-not days.

Tuesdays will be a dancing day soon. haha. after this month of crazy deadlines!

Wednesdays with mabel helped me heaps with understanding and discovering myself and my thots process, my conclusion is: i am a confused kid. hurhur. well.. need to set moral boundaries so i wun kill myself. i am learning heaps more from her. i think she can be counted as my mentor. we talked alot about the difference between counseling and mentoring as well. old gen vs new gen school of thots. (:

Thursdays with jennifer draws me to deeper love and compassion for people. the second chance that many people are looking for. sigh, be it in studies or in life. people needs second chances to noe that they are still valued. it compels me to write abt perspectives. and yeah, i am sowing on her. moved towards the W stage last week where she mentioned that doing any form of religious studies shouldnt confine us to being in that religion. and my heart weighs more when she says she noes wad she believes in and so she doesnt have to go to church or mass to be one. =x

sigh,

but there is another part to it. it is the same with going to school, u wun be able to learn stuff if u aint deliberate to. not as if there are academic test to being a christian but there surely is a test of ur heart to see if the God u believe exist. and these need to be backed up by ur relationship and ur knowledge of the word. i believe in both studying and experiencing the word. (:

Friday was at rebuilding america, my intention was acty to catch up with meltoh! haha. in the end bridged her to ps ben and ps dinah to be in the team n.america. ahha. (: well, she will be gg over soon. i guess more preparation on her part. hung out with her after that talk and realised that she grown heaps more since the last i met her in brisbane. haha. i told her that she had grown so significantly.. and i agree with her that. it is always easy to see new believers growing so obviously and it is definitely easier to grow as a new believer than a mature believer. and i thank God i affirmed her so she noes that she is on the right track too. haha. she is one havoc woman! but i like! haha. who says christians must be confined within the church and do those 'hallelujah' stuff. haha. i say christians are funky ppl and u bet they are most times more fun than those outside! dun believe try it.

Saturday is always a day of witnessing salvation and rededication. this week at love tag 2. (: haha. my (then stable) sheep who backslide came, she was invited by dolphin. haha. they both are really funny. hurhur. instinctively, i still am 'shepherding', 'shepherding' her. i kinda still am sensitive towards her like when she doesnt noe wad is gg on in sermon i will guide her. but honestly, we lost touch for almost 5 years, so i duno wad is gg on. but i do noe that some things in us are still foundational. we are still tuned towards God. however, when it comes to altar call. it was crazily hard to share to her. i mean we all noe the situation and she noes why she is still saying no. but i am sure.. God works in many ways we do not see. haha. guess what!? she is back in the house of God too! and yay! dolphin will be follow-ing up on her! hurhur. bringing her to cg and yadayada. haha. omgosh! i tell u i feel like the tag-team of dolp & jacq is back ! haha. so awesome! bringing back all our old flock! hurhur.

guess what, when it comes to saying the sinners' prayer when we had to pray for her, we both stumbled and say shuacks, how do we do that again? haha. =x it was the funniest re-dedication prayer ever. ahah. but i thank God, i kinda remember. (: so guys, better sow on ur friends more before u forget how to say the sinners' prayer. hurhur.

awaiting once again for this awesome week where i will be gg thru with God! (: cant wait to hear more from him and seeing more and more ppl coming back to the house of God. hurhur. oh yeah. lxy called me ytd after dance to say that she misses me! haha. such calls are necessary once in a while. (:

this week's line-up:

~~sexuality talk~~
~~interview with robert~~
MM essay outline
pptn (x2)
comment pieces (2)
~~readings~~
cty case research
~~dance practice~~
~~bbq lg at ecp! yay! teh will be back to share abt kuching!~~
~~wulindahui~~
~~clams retreat~~
~~ulm~~

and yeah i cut my hair. it feels lighter but it is not what i tot it should be.
thank God my hair will still grow. (:

another prayer request:

pray for wisdom to lead the easter dance!

ugh.. we are one month away. =x siao liaos. to be exact, 3 weeks!

GG.

i need creativity to choreo, dancers to be available on two days in the week and ur presence to tell me that u are with me to pull this thru. EASTER is a BIGGER thing than CMAS! =x

HELPPP ME LORD!

2010-02-21T19:27:00.000-08:00

my first assignment with partnering with God.

boy. it is really hard! =x
student exchange or not?

it is really hard to decide.
the objective of my student exchange would primarily be living on my own in a foreign world, trying out church planting as a new hobby. (: hurhur.
and if i am going i will be gg to newcastle. (:

pros and cons.
it is mind boggling.
srsly...
if i am gg: here are the trade-offs.

6 months, so i graduate later than expected. (o.O)
instead of graduating in August I graduate in late November, early Decemeber. =x bleahs
means, my after grads plans are all canceled.
which is pretty sians.
travelling, job and some other passionate things i am interested to develop myself or tt i have signed myself up for.
on the contrary, i managed to gain a lifetime experience.

6 months away from church, i will lose the chance to disciple my new teams, i will forgo the chance of seeing my schools being won (which i noe will be exciting). thankfully we only moved to new church place in 2011. so i dun miss that.

i will miss all the happenings in church like DANCING with my favourite friends, connecting my family to God and being a protege and hanging out randomly. most imptly, i will miss MY LAODA'S WEDDING! huh! =x

boy.. too much to trade it for.
but i really wanna go overseas too not that i dun have those experiences in my life ever.
just that.. it is now as a student, not as an intern in wuhan, not for holidays at london. but as a student in the western culture, in newcastle.
i will learn how to grow the church, i will re-shape my thoughts to tune into the western world. i will see how things work differently to run a western church.
i will have more opptys to learn and hopefully impart (?) totally clueless on tt.
most imptly.
i have the chance to do ANYTHING i want.
just that newcastle isnt the country i really wanna be at.
i guess it is a passing phase, like transition, moulding and refining more.
ultimately, i still wanna go to the states. (that's destination) (:

money wise, i am quite alright seeing there is subsidy from school and wad not.
personal note, i so dun wan to wash my own clothes and cook my own food but i guess i have to when i go CP, so better start earlier.
family, my parents are supportive just that they are worried abt my expenditure after the huge expenditure earlier in this year at london. hurhur.
school, i can afford to screw up since i am graduating. haha. of cos we will see how.
ministry, this is my biggest concern.

Lord, pls guide me.
send me prophets like how u send them to Paul,
send me guidance and conviction like how Paul says yes to no regrets to sufferings.
send me to where u think i will grow and learn best.
send me Lord, if this is ur will.

2010-02-16T18:14:00.000-08:00

my first day of new year is spent once again with my beloved family.
the photos which we take every year! the threesome!

this year spending both valentines and cny with them. haha.
not as if i have been spending valentines with my boyfriend. haha.
but this year is slightly different, the sibling relationship is improving, i think kudos to london, my sister and i are better and we see in each other point of views more easily whereas my bruddeerrrr.. i still have to use the coaxing method to speak to him. =x
oh bothers. but yeah my sister is always the bridge to speak to him.
but still he wants to be a model couple with me. haha.
i remember the last time i went to cut hair, he came to find me, the hairdresser thot he is my bf.
eeks!
then, my awesome family in the lift.
dad was like 'look where, look where?'
mum just posed, sister tried to squeeze and bru says HURRY UP!
i din noe wad i was doing clearly.

but something i must say.. my sis has grown prettier over the years.
o.O

the highlight of this new year would prolly be me visiting ps ben and ps dinah at their place.
it is so so so comfortable that i dun feel like moving after i sit on their couch.
but i had a great talk with ps dinah and yeah we share some similarities.
looking up to her always! (:
my role model! (:

[steph (HIM master website creator), esther, yj, me, ps dinah, deborah]

some of the things that resound after talking to her ytd and after hearing from God today. (:

wise words from solomon:
Don't let excitement of youth cause you to forget your creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, 'Life is not pleasant anymore' Ecclesiastes 12:1

p.s. it is q cool that even on her living room's table, it is a map of america. lol. i guess we are that serious abt the kingdom's matters. (:

2010-02-07T06:19:00.000-08:00

the overworked of jacq's brain.
results in super sugar rush jacq, being overly chatty..
dozing off anytime on the bus and she does not noe she is switched off.
hurhur. so embarrassing.
okaes. finally turnitin! haha. awesome weekend!
lauranne and rosie are in town! so wanna catch them but my assignments are just piling up.
anycase.. this week i learnt about giving.

i was talking to my mum while packing my room.
i moved from a single space cupboard to a dual space cupboard.
basically means i have more space for my clothes but guess what even with that dual space cupboard (which is originally my sis's) i still have not enough space to put everything into the cupboard. this is so bothering. there are still things lying ard outside my cupboard. T_T
i feel so garang guni. anyways. i may perhaps think i am sentimental in some sorts.

oh tt's obviously not what i learnt.
so while packing tgt as a family, talking and having music makes packing much more enjoyable.
well. so our convo, she updated me abt her lg, how her shepherd and family found a new home, how her lg member lost his job for being so outstanding in performance as the boss feels threatened, how they wanna come our house during cny (bad idea! cause mum will make us squeeze everything into wadever space available so when the doors open u will be covered with them).

but one thing that really struck me is this.
she asked me abt cbf. she asked if i am giving.
i said mum. yes i am, 1.5x right? yeah i am.
what abt u mum?

this is the controversial part.
r u crazy? 1.5x! wad are we gonna live on?
hmmm.. for that moment i was stunned.
becus.. u see. it is really easier for me to give cause i dun receive alot in the first place.
secondly because i can always go home and eat, make mum pay for my food expenditure etc.
but guess what mum cannot go home and wait for me to provide for her.
haha. okaes. i see where she is coming from. and to make things worse, my bro is such a spendthrift. he needs new stuff every occasion and pls.. his stuff is totally unaffordable and for his age, why do u even need those brands! ugh.
but mum still gives it to him. God noes why!
yeah so i see how mum is feeling insecure with the money or rather to give 1.5x to the church.

it is really a struggle esp. for a noob believer like her.

and tell me how on earth am i suppose to tell her to trust God that he will provide?
omg! how to challenge ur own mum to give to the kingdom? bleahs. srsly.
but i still have to.
i need to make sure mum loves God, because when u do, surely u will trust in him who provide.
such a teaching for mum. i am really praying before i challenge her.
i told her to start saving tho and take her time to give.

God, pls give me the right words to teach her to trust to give.
honestly, i feel the pinch also.
but then again, i noe that when mum learns to give, she will receive the joy that is unspeakable!

pray with me.
somemore, cny, she gives, we receive.
ahha.
so i really emphatise but i cant give on her behalf can i?
she wun learn then.

such an epidemic!

Lord, to many, money matters makes no dollars and no sense but to some it means the entire world for them. but i am just grateful i started out young to trust in u to give and break my piggy bank just to give to the church. thanks for installing tithing such system. it works an amazing deal in me. to begin with, nth belongs to us and because these are the things u give, u surely can take them away as well.

i am learning to trust u too. (:
1.5x just such a small amount to u, Lord,
but to the world, it hurts.
if u dun give until u hurt, u haven given at all.

u jehovah jireh, our provider,
we will trust and give till it hurts.
Lord, pls grant us a new building soon.
we want to enter into a promised land that will in turn save more souls for eternity.
(:

2010-01-30T09:18:00.000-08:00

a series of (un) fortunate events.

my week began with a bang !
Monday's a meet-the-client day, thank God we ended class earlier so we could prepare ourselves before meeting them. all went well. was looking forward to learning acty, I met some big shot i am not supposed to talk about or post the photos lest i will be legally charged. (:
so when it is over then i can share about it i guess. i must start getting used to working in this sort of confidential environment. hurhur. I was surprisingly TIRED at 10pm. so unusual! so i crashed.

Tuesday was supposed to a free day for myself, but i thank God i met kenny. oh man! he so made my day! (: he was sharing with me how God has molded him to literally be a man. and how the HS acty directed him, no one in the world knows how to get to his destination but he was in charge to direct the people so he thanked God the HS was there with him. omgosh! i tell you, his army trg is inhumane but i guess it made him a better man quoting him. haha. and he also shared how God acty showed him alot thru it and guess wad he is gonna ORD soon. haha. 2 years passed so very quickly. haha. i am excited for him, really trying to connect him to our ywam-ers so that he can be connected in a youth group! haha. after he is really young! ahaha.

Wednesday was a field trip research day and guess what i forget to bring my camera to take the necessary photos that i needed for my report. bleahs. T_T anyways, met joel for dinner after that to ketchup on my trip and omgosh! he is another man of God. he has grown since the last. ahha. heard alot about his struggles but his fighting spirit amazes me and yeah! our pact dude! free worship in our own expression. let's go!

Thursday was meeting the east uls day and yeah. ahha. ahaha, love teasing cheng cause she is just so cheng. haha. anyhows.. we will be embarking on a one week fasting and praying to hear what God had for us in ID 2010. but ahaha. we are one month in, but who cares, we still have 11 months to go. better do it right! (:

Friday will always be my happiest day of the week. firstly, because i get to dance secondly because i get to meet my LG! finally after 3 weeks in london, i for once can say i miss them HEAPS. oh well.. we had lg at an amazing place. ahha. THANKS BABES! i love all the LG components you gals did. WAS UBERLY CREATIVE and I HAD FUN! (: but sorry we have to have teaching under an open sky, in a less than ideal setting but definitely another experience with the beetle on leck's neck! haha. but then again i have to leave very quickly because i had dance. i feel baddd always. =x after the awesome routine in dance, we supperrreeeddd.. and it sure was funny with these two buggers: yufei and guowei.

THEY ARE SUPER LAME.

guowei: are u gonna buy motorbik (murtabak)?
yufei: why?
guowei: cause when u cut open it, a motorbike will come out, so be careful!

-.-'''

anyhows, i guess this is lifegroup, spending life tgt, enjoying each other's presence and obviously doing what we passionately love and not forgetting what gels us tgt:

the relationship we have in Jesus,
the same person we are totally in love with.

oh sat!!! the highlight of spending time with my gal!
DOLPHIN IS BACK IN DA HOUSE!
haha.

thanks babe! it is great having you back in my life, serving God with me and rediscovering your calling. you made an informed choice. (: we talked over feifei. i srsly think feifei should pay me commission! haha. oh man, i will never forget what you said tonight...

I am amazed that God still remembers what he promised to fulfill in my life.
the vision he gave me several years back, he reminded me that he once again is gonna use me to make it happen.

HOW COOL IS THAT? you may forget even to the extent of backsliding but he will never forget why he wanna use u. wowser!

when it happens, let's CELEBRATE! haha. it deserves one anyways!
so far for the first month of the year..

sunday's celebrate bing's birthday! haha.

not sure wat surprises are for the coming week.
but i got a 40% essay to go!
haha. once again, God. i wanna rely on you.
spend the week with me father!
(:

2010-01-27T08:06:00.000-08:00

to conclude London.

i am so proud to be in this HOPE family.
(:
this trip shouts out loud that vision gels and compels ppl to join us.
vision is the one that ppl wants to die for.
they are like that.
i am like that.
i hope u are like that.

the song just sticks in me.
all over the world people just like us,
are calling your name !
(:

the only people i will die for:
God's people.

pls however, dun let me die in vain,
dun let me die because of ur stupidity.

looking fwd for more mission trips!
my shepherd is for me!
my angmoh hubby!
(:

the first weekend finally back in sg.
it is still fast and furious.
caught up with school work. i am very amazed at myself.
aha. all the readings i read was never at such turbo speed and funnily i unds.
oh well. met my unit.
for once, i really missed them.
cant help but hug them all. (:
haha. showed them london and shared really brief stuff.
after which, i taught them the reason why we need to be bible-based.
den chiongs to ah gong's birthday.
visited my uncle's new house (in the EAST, yay!)
went home after a good drink.
so awesome!

den it is the new week of fast and furious. lol.
God, bless me.
it is so awesome to hear that kenny has become a man and that the HS had molded him heaps.
really.. a man of God is way different! i want him to be my kids godpa. haha. if i ever have any.
Lord, pls help me out with my finances. i am kinda broke after london and i cant afford to live like how i am alr cause i need to save for missions. haha.

next destination: Europe, Korea, Taiwan and US.
favour me Lord! (:
like u always do.

2010-01-19T10:05:00.000-08:00

another open letter all the way from London ! (:
learnt so so so much from that session. (:
will blog abt it when i am free-r.

Dear all OMGers,

What a wonderful evening to have Sue blessing us with her amazing soup which had at least 12 different types of vegetables! For those who weren’t there, you are allow to drool with jealousy. J Lyn and Gemma taught us a really fun rock gospel song with action! We then learnt about the four steps of how to be “born again” John 3:3 – Repentance, believe, baptism in water, and baptism in the Holy Spirit. In God’s divine order, each of these steps are massively significant and indispensible. In the coming weeks, we will be expounding each step in depth. Please come and join us. Thank you to Jacqueline who joined us all the way from Singapore. May God bless you as you return back home.
Feature of the week: Let’s keep praying for Haiti and please forward us any ideas of how we can extend practical help to this country.

God bless!

From: OMG PRODUCTION TEAM.
(joanne)

2010-01-09T15:47:00.000-08:00

this is gonna be a photo post.
haha.
a fruitful 2 days at hatfield!
so blessed and encouraged to see all over the world (young) people just like us.
doing everything with so much energy and excitement.
most imptly, they love God ! (:

attended their cg on friday.
stayed over at ministry house,
spoke to the pioneers of the hatfield.
crashed their jamming session on sat morn,
be a visitor for eldos's junior dmm
prayed for people in the prayer meet after.
met awesome ppl!
it is so, so, so cool.
(:

the birthday babies.
colin and esther.
celebrated and prayed for them.
colin's 26th and esther's ahem secret. (:

colin's like chris bee and esther's like shuzhen.
hurhur. some duplicates in the movement.
some things it is just in us. (:
and in all groups, there are always the extra hyper one.
she is like DAWN TAY (and/or lisa hong).
she is in charge of the church's welfare and hospitality.
she is the person whom u always go to for food.
hurhur.
her heart's so so so big for God.
she loves serving.
and i love serving with her.
her enthusiasm is CONTAGIOUS.
not forgetting this two Nigeria sisters!
sengom and mary.
omgosh. they are really cute.
they can so dance to mj.
they say they dance for fun at home just groove to the music.
like how ppl sing in the bathroom.
omgosh. den i think i cant dance.
=x
they are the life of the group.
they basically add vibrancy and youth to the group.
dun look down on them. they are really young in christ
but they are really faith-filled and powerful ppl.
they encouraged me alot.
THEY ARE SO CUTE !
[managed to catch this picture while she was drinking]
and they rock srsly.
i love hanging out with them.
ugh. come singapore come singapore!

***
den it was jamming.
my first encounter in jamming acty.
never been to one.
but i always noe it is fun and cool.
hurhur.

the worship team has a full band!
they are so diversified.
msians, mongolians, chinese in their band.
so cool.
guitarist, electric guitarist, bassist, drummer, keyboardist, violinist.
and the drummer is a GIRL!
she's so cool. she keeps shua-ing her head.
i cant capture her picture.
but she loves Singapore.
COME, COME, COME!

this is owen.
he is a mongolian.
he is crap.
lol.
he plays ALL the instruments in the band.
and most imptly,
he plays his traditional instrument some horse pad thingy.
no idea wad it was called.

he is uber tall.

and talented.
any instruments he picks up,
it is like a toy to him.
he will be able to figure out some stuff by strumming or plucking or pressing!

ha! he has a huge appetite for the word.
he wants to be principled. (:
he is really kingdom first.
cause he is gonna have his exams in like 4 days but he is still here for jamming!
hurhur.

this is kathryn.
omgosh, she is the worship leader of the african service in london.
HER VOICE IS AMAZING.
mans. u can really melt hearing her.
and she is really humble and she reminds me of joy.
she follows up on her people with no sweat.
she has like about 7 ppl to follow up.
this includes non-believers.
i so love her.
it was her birthday too the day before.

and that's justin.
the african brother.
he harmonises like that's his normal voice.
haha. i duno if i am putting justice to his voice.
but i think he is another inspiring brother.
he is gonna preach in the african service like really soon.
and he is really encouraging.
to him, everyone should use their voice to worship God.
i feel so ashamed of myself.

here is the best picture i caught while everyone is jamming.
eldos, the worship leader cum guitarist cum band leader.
(:
go eldos! God's favour is upon u.
he brings these talents to ur church.
WOAH! God never fails to provide.
ask for bigger request!
he will continue to add to HATFIELD!

and here are my favourite 3 persons.
yanti!, samuel and charles.
gosh. i noticed that in hope hatfield,
their worship leader plays the guitar and lead p&w.
reminds me of when i am a careleader.
but even so, i never did as well as them.

1. yanti
incredible voice.
she sings like miley, kelly clarkson and corinne may.
her vocal range is wide isnt it?
her voice is just so amazing,
i am her no. 1 fan
tgt with samuel,
we cant stop cheering for her.
she should so be a singer.

2. samuel
another impressive musician.
he plays guitar and drums.
he is here to disciple and teach the female drummer.
haha. but i always tell him that he needs to play more in the spirit.
(:

3. charles
protege.
learning by observing eldos play the guitar.
his guitar is really small.
but he is really improving.
haha. from the start of the jamming to the end of it.
woots! way to go brudder! soon, u will be ministering!

after the jamming session, i realised that worship leading is not an easy task especially the skills.
u will need to noe much technical stuff like singing in wad chords and u must noe who is not in beat and u must noe what arrangements work and you must noe how to variate from the cd.
gosh. it is really not easy.
and i feel inadequate cause i couldnt impart.
not equipped in playing instruments nor singing nor worship leading.
when i go home, i wanna do lead worship more often.
hurhur.
i feel burdened.
not as if i have a good voice but like wad justin says,
use wadever we have to worship him
and i think i MAY wanna try to play guitar again.
haha. okaes maybe nt.
=/

ugh, i am missing them alr.
come, come, come singapore.
so missing u hunks and babes.
when u go back ur countries, pls drop by sg.

hope movement student ministries must work more closely with one another!
this i am really convinced.
youths are impt.
very impt.
they are the church's next generation.
come on, dun shut them out.
they do make sense at times.
give them a chance to build the church.
(:

***
photos.
no mood to talk about these photos after talking about God's church.
just appreciate them.
i took them in the freezing temperature.
i nearly lost my fingers for them.

1. tower of london
this bridge is far nicer than london bridge.
srsly.

2. along river thames

3. the other side of tower of london

4. St Paul's Cathedral
(unedited)

5. the legendary london eye

6. buckingham palace
look at the snow!

7. i cant rmb where this is. but i noe i love the clouds.
the clouds remind me that God's presence is with me.
the pillar of cloud.

8. duck
haha. it is on one leg so i took it.
it is really fat tho.

9. pigeon
i cant even see its neck.

10. snow man

11. man running in SHORTS.
if u can see. there is this crazy man running in snow in shorts.
he is srsly mad.
i am wrapped but he is in shorts running!
i dun unds how is it possible.
SO COLD.

12. royal airlines pilot.
my fav pilot.
he maybe old but i am sure he is handsome when he was younger.
he said he's been to sg 10 years ago.
haha. i was barely 12.
tt's how old he is.
he is really nice tho.

13.the only lake i saw that is not frozen.

14. betty.

omgosh. i jus realised that while imitating her,
the picture shows that i am touching her boobs.
so wrong.

it is the last week in london.
it is gonna be meeting loads of ppl.
encouraging and ketching up with them.

i really thank God for being in this global movement.
so far the trip taught me abt church planting.
(:
how we want to grow the church and how to sustain it.

ughh.. i am gonna miss the mission trip to manchester! =x cause i will be on my way home.
so irritating. the difference is one day. just one day! if i go home on 17 jan, i will be able to go manchester with them! ughh. Lord!!!!!

okaes, ur ways higher than my ways.
Lord, use me use me use me.
surprise me more in the coming week -- my last week in london.
i so dun wan to go home...

2010-01-06T15:28:00.000-08:00

5 & 6 Jan

some things never change.
my first drink in the year.

i love the effect of this photo alot.

and it was a quick snap!
the sun despite the snow.

the sg's raffles city internal.
of cos cant own london. (:
it is the minories area.

snow footprints trail. (:(:

that much along the road.

watching RUDE TUBE 2010 now.
it is like american funniest home video.
it is a variety show where they show the highest internet hits youtube videos.
it is interesting.
but it is really vulgar and very funny for many.
they acty interview the persons behind it and asked about the inspiration and what was difficult to film etc etc.
gosh such a broadcast programme.
rofl.

so the tv station pays people to search youtube videos to screen it on tv.
srsly, wad kind of job is that.
so cool.
i also want.
(: